Horatio and Marisol Sick and Healthy
by Anna1988
Summary: They are happy but there are things that force them to move together even more
1. 2002

2002

_February_

Horatio had been invited to Calleigh´s Birthday and Marisol had been invited, too. She was young and had a good time playing with the children. She and her siblings also seemed to have a close knit relationship. She loved her sisters and her brother very much and always asked them for advice. They gladly gave her the advice as they knew, the she was the most sensitive of the four of them.

From the moment he entered the Delko-Duquesne house he knew that there was something special about Marisol, something that he needed to find out. She always stayed close to one of her siblings and her nieces and nephews. The rest of the team, Alexx, Megan, Timothy, Yelina, Ray jr., Frank and Maxine were there, too. She kept her distance and stayed on comfortable territory. He grabbed his drink and grabbed a glass of cooled water and walked over to where she was standing and was looking over the back yard. The rest of the family was sitting in the back yard and the children were playing together.

He stepped up to her from behind. "I brought you a drink Marisol." She turned around a little surprised and looked at him a little unsure. "Thank you" she took the drink and smiled a little. She took a sip and looked down. He could see that she is a little insecure. "Why don´t we take a walk?" She looked up at him and looked directly into his eyes. Marisol only saw truth and honesty in his eyes and his face and somehow had the feeling that she could trust him. "Alright." They put the drinks on the table and walked through the kitchen and out the front door. The Delko-Duquesne house was in a nice neighborhood with single family homes and almost peaceful streets. The people only drove their cars to go to work and to come back. Most of the time there was no car on the streets.

You could take walks on the street or you could take walks through the woods like areas. It was quiet and peaceful. They walked down the road were Eric lived and back onto the main road of the development and then back onto the loop were the house was. During that time the talked about everything and nothing and Horatio noticed even more how insecure and unsure Marisol was about everything.

"Marisol what are you doing?" "I just finished university where I studied Law and now I am working at a company downtown. I am the youngest of four children and they always tried to protect me and always took care of me. And now all of them are married and have children, all but me." She was surprised about herself that she was talking that openly with Horatio. But she had the feeling that she could trust him and that he would not tell anyone about the contents of their conversation. "At the moment I do not really feel the need to start a family. But I honestly should start one soon. I just need to find Mr. Right."

Horatio sensed that Marisol had the need to find him soon. He does not know if she personally would need to find him soon, but he knows her mother and how she is an absolute family woman who had wanted her children to marry as soon as possible. He also knew that her sisters married at 28 and that Clorindha Delko was not really amused by that.

"Marisol you are young and you still have time to find the right man. Do not pressure yourself that much and let the things happen the way they happen." "Horatio my family is catholic and I actually do not know if I should tell you this." "Should tell me what Marisol?" They by not had returned to the Delko house and were sitting on the bench in front of it. "My mother always wanted us to marry early and after my sisters did not do it Eric gladly married very young. But now my mother is trying to get me to marry as soon as possible. Horatio I honestly do not know if I am ready to marry yet." She paused and looked down at her hands. "I am sorry. I am dumping all of this on you and we barely know each other. I know you probably have enough on your mind. I am sorry."

She was about to get up from the bench when Horatio lightly grabbed her arm and made her sit back down. "Marisol I am happy to listen to you. As Eric has probably already told you I am a good listener and when I notice that someone has something on their mind I hardly accept no as an answer. I understand that you are not ready to marry and I think that your mother would understand that too." She looked at him and knew that he had no idea what her mother is like. "My mother was raised to marry early and to start a family as soon as possible and now she wants me to do the same but I am not ready.

Horatio could see that she was afraid that she could not live up to her mother´s expectations. "Your mother loves you Marisol. I know that I am probably going to overstep my boundaries, but how about we go out together and have a nice evening together some time." "I am not sure Horatio." He put a hand on her lower arm. "Marisol it may be a possibility to just have a relaxed time. Do me a favor and think about it." She nodded and he helped her up and they rejoined the rest of the family.

About a week after Calleigh´s Birthday party Horatio has an unexpected visitor in his office. Marisol was standing in his office looking out of the windows. "Marisol!" She turned around and smiled at him. "What are you doing here?" She walked towards him and stopped right in front of him. "Is your offer sill up? The one for an evening together?" "Off course the offer is still up." Marisol turned around and looked out of the window again. "How about tomorrow evening?" "Whatever you want Marisol." She smiled and turned around again. "Then I will see you tomorrow evening." "Alright." Marisol said her good bye and left his office.

The following evening Marisol and Horatio spend alone together and enjoyed their time with no one around getting to know each other better. Horatio got to know her better and she got to know him better. Horatio started to get to know Marisol better and noticed that she is very, very sensitive. She is very unsure and seems to be in need of a lot of encouragement. He had to admit, that he felt more than friendship towards Marisol but he sensed that he had be careful when he wanted to admit his feelings towards her. He felt something close to love and hoped that she felt something similar towards him.

_June_

Over the next few weeks and months the two of them slowly and carefully started a relationship which started to bloom over time. Horatio was very careful with everything he did and said because she was so sensitive and sometimes even a little bit fragile. He wanted to talk to her about something and hoped that she would not freak. Horatio had asked her to come by in the evening. He prepared everything and hoped that she would not freak when she saw what he had prepared and when she knew what he wanted to talk about.

The evening saw them sitting on the living-room couch drinking lemonade together. He is preparing himself for the questions he wants to ask her. "Horatio you said that you would like to talk about something with me tonight. What did you want to talk about?" He looked at her intently and could see that she looked worried and a little bit afraid. "Marisol over the past few months we had had the opportunity to get to know each other better. I like to think that both of us are comfortable with the way our relationship is growing. Please tell me if I am wrong Marisol." "You are not wrong Horatio. I am comfortable with the way our relationship is growing but I am worried why you want to talk."

He placed a comforting hand on her right thigh. "You have absolutely nothing to be worried about. I wanted to talk to you about your wishes and plans for the future we might have together. Marisol I would like for you to tell me what your plans are for the future." She looked at him and then looked back at her hands which were holding the ice tea glass. "Marisol." "Horatio since I was a little girl I always dreamed of a man, who would take care of me, would protect me and would love me and would treat me in the best way a woman could dream if. I found that man in you, an even more. As a little girl I always thought my life would be like a fairy tale. A fairytale wedding, a loving husband and beautiful and adorable children. That has always been my dream and I hope that it will come true, one day." It seemed to be her dream and he promised himself that he would do everything he could to make that happen.

He moved closer to her on the couch and pulled her into his chest. "Marisol those are wishes that we can fulfill. I already proved to you that I can be the man and husband you want to have, as you said so earlier. I would like to have children with you and to have an own little family with you." He moved her face toward his and descended his lips onto hers. Horatio tried to get her to let go of those emotions that she held in check and that she would never show. He coaxed an emotion and a reaction out of her when he held her moaning in his arms he knew that was getting somewhere.

_September_

They were close to fulfilling one of her dreams by having a fairytale wedding. Marisol always the princess like dress she always dreamed of. They would marry in front of a judge first and then they would marry in the church Marisol´s family belonged to. The marriage at the courthouse will be at noon and the wedding in the church will be at 2 p.m.

Everyone was waiting for the bridal couple to enter the room in the courthouse. Finally Horatio and Marisol entered the room, with Marisol wearing a white ankle long dress with a jacket. After giving their vows and signing the papers she allowed herself to relax a little. But everyone especially Horatio knew that she only start to feel like being Mrs. Caine after the religious wedding and he respected her views and her strong faith. He too, was very catholic but for Marisol a religious wedding was the most important thing in the world.

Before they would marry in the church Marisol would change her dress. She would walk into the church at her father´s arm. Marisol would meet Horatio at the altar.

In the church later all the guests were seated and were waiting. Then Horatio entered the church and walked to the altar, where their witnesses were waiting. Horatio stood at the altar and waited patiently for his wife to arrive. After about another ten minutes the church doors opened and Marisol Delko walked into the church on the arm of her father. She was wearing a white dress with a veil that covered her face and went to below her breasts. In her hear she was wearing clips that had belonged to her ancestors. The skirt had a little A-Form and you could only see the tip of her shoes. At the back of her dress there was a train that was 10 Feet long, starting at her hip.

When she and her father reached the altar Horatio could see how emotionally Marisol was. She had tears pooling in her eyes. But she looked happy. Her father gave Marisol´s hand to Horatio. When he took her hand in his he noticed that her hand was cold as ice and that she was shaking. He moved his thumb in soothing circles over her palm and leaned his head close to her ear and whispered. "Relax sweetheart. We will be alright." She nodded a little shaky. "We are together now and everything will be alright." He caught one of her tears with his thumb and smiled at her.

The music is both American and Cuban. After their vows while they were sitting on their benches a Cuban church song was played. As soon as the first tunes were played she had tears streaming down her face and she could not stop crying anymore. It took all of her strength to not start sobbing. She laid her bouquet down on the knee bench and took a hold of Horatio´s hand. He took her booklet and his and laid them down on his knee bench.

By now Marisol´s tears were falling like waterfalls and he was a little worried about her. Horatio carefully moved his bench closer to Marisol´s and moved to the end of the bench as she copied his actions. He wrapped his left arm around her and held her right hand with his right hand. She just sank into his embrace and let the tears flow. He just held her while the Cuban song was being played.

A few minutes later the service was over, and they walked out of the church as husband and wife. She walked out of the church on Horatio´s arm. She had linked her arm with his. Horatio and Marisol were both happy as they left the church but Horatio noticed that the Cuban song had taken away a lot of her strength. They accepted the congratulations and then Horatio arranged for them to have some time alone, because the dinner they had arranged would start in about in two and a half hours.

Marisol´s grand-parents and her great-grand-parents also lived in the States. Her maternal grand-parents allowed them to use their house to spend some time together. When they arrived at the house she changed into the dress she wore at the courthouse. She would put her real wedding dress back on later. Once they were in her grand-parents living-room and were settled on the couch Marisol let go of all of her façade. "Are you feeling better Marisol?" She nodded. "Yes. I was just extremely lost and overwhelmed when they started playing the Cuban song. I did not really register what happened after because I was still emotionally overwhelmed. The wedding ceremony was absolutely beautiful and wonderful. It was my dream wedding Horatio." She looked up at him and he leaned down and gently kissed her.

"Sweetheart, how about you try to get some rest. We have a long evening ahead of us." She snuggled deeper into his chest. "Close your eyes for a few minutes." "Alright." He pulled her deeper into his chest and kissed her head lightly while he rubbed soothing circles on her back. He could feel that she is still extremely stressed. Horatio could feel tight muscles in her shoulders and her back but he could also feel that she also still seemed to be very shaken up and fragile but he knew that she was happy.

In the evening after the dinner and after a lot of dancing Horatio led Marisol out of the building and into his hummer where he had already put the bags he had packed with their things. He and Marisol then drove away unnoticed by their guests and families. Horatio had rented a house in an undisclosed location in southern Florida for him and Marisol for two weeks. There they were going to spend their honeymoon.

When they arrived at the house in the early morning Marisol was asleep in her seat. Horatio did not want to wake her so he carefully carried her into the house and put her down on the bed in the bedroom. He knew that she was tired and that she needed her rest. And in that moment as he saw her sleeping tired on the bed he silently promised her that he would do everything to protect and to make sure that she is happy.


	2. May 2003

Mai 2003

Kyle does not exist in this story, neither does Antonio Riaz.

Horatio and Marisol have met through Eric, Marisol´s brother who works for Eric. Marisol worked in a lawyer´s office in Miami. Eric was happy for his younger sister and he trusted Horatio with his life and knew that he would be good to Marisol and that he would care good for her. They have been married for 8 months now. Eric and Calleigh are married and have two daughters, her sister Isabella is married and has a daughter and a son. Her other sister Dolores has a daughter.

Horatio and Marisol were sitting on their couch when Horatio noticed that his wife was a little absent. "Honey what is the matter?" "It is just. We said we wanted to have kids and it is just not happening." "We will one day." "When?" "It takes time sweetheart. It is not in our hands. You know that." "I know but when?" "Marisol you have to be patient. Stop beating yourself up like that." "I cannot." "You are strssing yourself if you beat yourself up. It is going to be OK. You will see." "Horatio I want a baby." "Honey calm down. I said we will take it easy. We will have a baby someday.." "Horatio I am the only who does not have children yet. Mom asked my about children just yesterday. Horatio what should I tell them? They expect me to have children soon." Marisol was now crying and had tears streaming down her face. He pulled her into a hug. "Honey take a few deep breaths. Calm down. We will think of an answer. Everything is going to be alright." "OK. Thank you." "Honey do not have to thank me. I am your husband." "I know. But still I owe you an apology. I have been a mess lately. With mom and dad always asking about kids. I am sorry Horatio. I am sorry that I yelled at you and was not really myself lately." "I forgive you. That is what partners are there for. They help each other." "I live you." "I love you too." The doorbell rings and Horatio answers it and leads Calleigh, Eric and their daughters Rose and Chloé into the livingroom. Marisol sees them enter and Horatio sees immediately that it is hard for her to endure. He decides to give her and Calleigh some time alone. "Eric how about you the girls and I go outside a bit?" "Eric understands the hint and says sure." They go outside with the girls and Calleigh speaks. "Mari what is the matter?" "My mom asked me about kids again and I totally freaked. I yelled at her and ran out crying. Horatio and I were just talking when you came." "I am so sorry Mari. Maybe we should not have come." "No it is OK. Horatio is like a wall between me and my parents. Like he is protecting me from their wish that I make them grandparents, too." "He is. He would do everything to protect you. You know that."

Meanwhile Eric and Horatio are talking in the garden. "Horatio is she alright?" "Yeah. Pretty much. She had a talk with your mother yesterday about her having kids." "I see." "She is frustrated and is beating herself up. She is pushing herself too much. Well your mother is pressureing her." "I know what you mean Horatio. Take good care of her." "You know I will Eric. I love her." "Yeah."

After Eric and his family had left again Horatio and Marisol are talking in the livingroom. "Are you feeling better?" "Yeah I talked to Calleigh. She is such a good friend." "Yeah. She is a good friend. Could she help you?" "A little bit. It was good to talk to her." "Everything is going to be alright." "Horatio please I do not want to talk about that right now." "Ok. What do you want to do." "I just want to relax." "Ok. Come here." He pulls her into a hug and she leans against his chest. He notices that she is relaxing a bit against him and just hopes that this will hold for a while so that could live a little more. She needed back her relaxed life, brom before their marriage. He promised himself he would do everything he can to make sure that that would happen. He would do everything to make his wife happy. He would do everything he could to see her happy again.

The enxt day at work he calleid Eric and Calleigh into his office. When they were seated in his office he said. "You both saw Marisol yesterday. She is totally stressed out. I want to go away with her until Sunday. I want the two of you to run the lab in that time." "We will Horatio. You take Marisol away. We will handle the things here." "Thank you Calleigh! Thank you Eric. I am going now." After he had instructed the two of them he went back home and surprised Marisol. "Why are you home?" "I thought we would go away for the weekend." She looked at him in shock. He saw the expression on her face and started to worry automatically. "What is it honey?" She sat down on the couch. "I know that you planned the weekend to surprise me. That is a very good idea and very thoughtful of you, but…." "But what sweetheart?" "I do not feel like going away I am sorry. I just cannot go away Horatio." With that she left the livingroom andwent upstairs to the master bedroom and closed the door. Horatio was irritated by that and followed her upstairs. He knocked at the door and walked in. He found her lying on the bed in the ball crying. "What is bothering you?" "I am alright." "No. You are not. Tell me what the matter is. Talk to me." "I know that I just destroyed your plans but I cannot go away." "Why?" "I do not have the strength Horatio. I took of work until Wednesday. I do not know what is wrong with me. But I just need some rest Horatio." "I understand. How about we just stay here over the weekend." "Thank you Horatio." She snuggles under the quilt and makes an attempt to lie down and sleep. "Are you tired honey?" "I have felt tired the whole morning. I do not know what is wrong. I slept 9 hours laft night. I have no idea." "Have you seen a doctor." "No and I will not." "Why?" "I do not want to be sick." "Marisol if you are ill we need to see a doctor so that you can get medicine to help you get better again." "Horatio no." "Marisol please. How about we call Alexx." "Alright."

An hours later Alexx had checked her out and had left again. She said that Marisol is catching the flu. She had high temprature too. She should stay in bed the next few days. She would be better soon.


	3. June 2003

June 2003

Now married for 9 months Horatio sees even more clearly now, that Marisol is beating herself up and that he has to do something to make sure, that her parents stop bothering her and stop pressureing her about babies. At work he talked with Eric and Eric talked with his parents. After work Eric, Calleigh, Rose and Chloé come by. "Mari I talked to our parents. They were not happy when I told them that they would not be able to see Rose and Chloé anymore if they do not stop pressuring you anymore." "Thank you Eric."

About a week later Horatio came home from work and was happy to see his wife completely relaxed. "Sweetheart!" he looked at her worried. "Horatio I am alright. I am just happy that they stopped bothering me." "I am glad you are feeling better." "I am feeling better." "You look happy sweetheart." She just smiles at him and leads him to the couch. "There is something else I want to talk about to you." "What is it honey?" he asked worried. "I went to my doctor today. I….I…….I am pregnant. We are going to have a baby honey." "Are you sure?" "Yes. I am 8 weeks pregnant." "I am really really happy." "Horatio?" "What is it?" "I want to keep it a secret a little longer. I only want to tell Eric and Calleigh. Please." "I agree with you."

The next evening Eric and his family come by and Horatio and Marisol tell them the news and ask them to keep it a secret because they do not want to tell anyone yet. Because they want to keep it a secret a little while longer. Eric and Calleigh said that they would not tell anyone. They knew that it took a while for them to conceive and they did not want to put pressure on Marisol by telling people. Her and Eric´s mother would start fussing over her and would make it hard for Marisol and they all knew that.

Horatio and Marisol were enjoying their upcomeing parenthood and were glad that they would be able to keep it a secret a little while longer.


	4. September 2003

September 2003

Marisol is now five months pregnant and is very happy. Horatio knows that his wife is still being pressured by her parents who de not know anything about the baby yet because they would Hover over her. That could drive her crazy. But he also knows that they will not be able to hide it from her parents for ever.

When he comes home he wants to talk to her. "Honey!" he calls when he enters the house. She comes out of the kitchen and walks up to him. She gives him a loveing kiss. "How are you and the baby?" "I am alright. I missed you." "I missed you too." She leaned her head against his chest. He pulled her into a hug. He knew that she hated to be alone right now. He had reduced his working hours to there for her. He wanted to see how the baby is growing and developing.

He led her to the kitchen and he helped her finish dinner and then they sat down and ate together. She always watched what she was eating but now that she was eating for two she ate what was on the table.

He knew that he had to talk to her. After dinner when they were sitting on the couch he talked to her. "Marisol I have to talk to you." "What is it?" He saw the worry and slightly squeezed her hand with his. "I do not want to worry or pressure you but I think that you should tall your parents that we are expecting a baby." She looked up at him shocked. "Horatio!" "I know Marisol. I know I know you do not want them to know. But they have to know. Just think about it. We are all going to be together. They are going to find out."

She looked at him and he could see the pain in her eyes. "Horatio I know I have to tell them but I am not ready yet. They have hurt me so much Horatio. It is their loss. I told Eric, Isabella and Marisol. But I made them promise not to tell mom and dad." He knew that she trusted to sisters and brother and that her parents hurt her very much by pressureing her to have a baby.

"Marisol they have the right to know. I know how much they have hurt you. Marisol! Sweetheart I know what they have done." She had tears on her eyes. "Sweetheart I know what they did to you and how much you suffered." "I know that they have the right to know but they will start hovering around me and buy presents, want to buy furniture for the nursery, plan a baby shower. I do not want any of it Horatio." She looked up at him pleadingly.

"Alright. You will not have any of it. I promise you that you will not have to endure a baby shower and the other stuff." "Thank you Horatio. I do not want my parents to come thundering into our life because I am pregnant. I just want to have a normal and peaceful pregnancy. But my parents think they always have to storm into the life of us and my sisters and Eric. They always storm in when they are pregnangt. I do not want that for myself Horatio. I need and cannot have themaround me during that time."

"Marisol I know that this is a trying time for you. But you cannot ignore the fact that you have very lovely parents." "I know that my parents love me but you do understand what I mean right?" "Honey relax I understand what you mean. I told you already that I will support every decision you make. I promise that." "I know. Thank you Horatio. I am glad I have you." "I am not going anywhere honey. I will be at your side" He gently kissed her temple and rubbed her back to calm her down. "Thank you. I love you." "I love you too."

He gave her a sweet kiss and pulled her into him. Slowly the tears started rollen down her cheek. He let her cry and rubbed her back and said comforting words. When her tears started to dry he noticed that she had fallen asleep and carried her to bed and covered her with a quilt. She needed as much as rest as she can get.

He sat down next to her ad held her hadn and put her head in his lap. He did not want to leave her alone right now. He knew that she needed to feel him, needed to heel his presence.

She woke up a few hours later and was glad that she was not alone. "I am glad you are here." "I knew you would need me when you wake up." "I do. I thought about my parents. By now we have to tell them and we will. But I want us to be strict with them that they do not invade our space. I do not want them to by the stuff for the nursery and I do not want them to hover over me." "I will make sure of that Marisl." He helped her sit up and then he led her down to eat a bit.

One day later Marisol´s parents came over to visit. "Mom and dad! Horatio and I have to tell you something. We are expecting our first baby in January. But…." "But what Marisol?" asked her mother. "We do not want a baby shower. We do not want you to buy stuff for nursery and do not want you hovering over me. We ask you to leave me alone and accept that I wamt my privacy and peace during my pregnancy. I do not want you controlling me like you controlled Dolores, Isabella and Calleigh." "Why not? You will need help" insisted her mother.

Marisol looked at Horatio who said. "As you heard Marisol. Leave her alone. I am asking you to respect her wishes. It is her decision. She wants to enjoy this tima and I am not going to let you end the joy she has right now." "Fine. You do not want us to help. So please. Do it the way you want to." With that they left the house and Horatio hoped that they are going to accept it.


	5. October 2003

October 2003

Marisol´s parents were not able to accept that Horatio and Marisol did not want them to interfere with her pregnancy. It was putting stress on the very sensitive Marisol. She was the most sensitive of the four Delko siblings.

When Horatio was in his office at the lab he did not notice his wife enter. She sat down quietly across from him. "Horatio!" He now looked up from his desk. "I came in here a minute ago." He could see that she looked stressed and tired. "Are you alright?" "Yeah. I just wanted to see you." "You look a little tired and pale. How about we go eat something." "Sure." He walked around the desk and put his arm on the small of her back and led her out of the lab. They went to a near by café. Horatio was sure that Marisol had something on her mind when he came to his office. When they were back at his office after lunch he talked to her. They were sitting on the couch in his office. "Marisol could it be that they is something on your mind. The reason you came to see me." "Am I not aloud to visit my husband." "Of course you are. Marisol." She sighed. "Alright. My parents called again and said that we could not forbade them to do the things they did when Calleigh, Isabella and Dolores were pregnant. They said that we cannot forbade them to buy toys, furniture and host a baby shower." "Sweetheart they cannot act against our wishes and you know that." He could see that it was really bothering and hurting her.

"Marisol we will find a way. I promise you. Do not worry. I will have a word with them." "Horatio." "Honey do not worry. It will be alright. Come on let us get you home." He helps her up and leads her to the car. They meet Calleigh and eric in the parking lot. "Hey guys." "Mari you OK?" She nods. "Your parents will not leave her alone. We are going over there and are going to talk to them." Eric looked at Calleigh and she said. "We will come with you." The four of them drove to Eric and Marisol´s parents and when all of them sat in the livingroom. "Stop harassing Horatio and Marisol. They asked you to respect their wish of a quiet and private pregnancy." "Come on guys. We just want to help you and celebrate." "Marisol and I asked you to respect our wish of not celebrating. And if you cannot accept that I will request a restraining order." "You cannot do that." "Yes he can mama. If you do not stop harassing my sister Horatio and I will request one. That is what people do if someone does not respect other peoples wishes." With that the four left and drove Horatio and Marisol home. Then Eric and Calleigh returned to the lab.

"Eric do you really want to ask for a restraining order?" "If they do not stop harassing Marisol I will."

Meanwhile in the Caine house. "Thank you Horatio for telling them this clearly." "I will request a restraining order if they do not stop it immediately." "Good." "Honey go get some rest. You need it." "Thank you." He leads her to the master bedroom where she lies down for a nap. He returns to the livingroom hopeing that her parents would start respecting their wishes. She deserved to be happy. A little while later Yelina came by. "Horatio are you alright?" "Yeah. Marisol´s parents are still harassing her. I went to visit them today and told them that I would request a restraining order if they would not stop harassing her immediately." "I hope for the two of you that they will stop it immediately." "Thank you Yelina." A few minutes later Marisol came down. "Hello Yelina!" "Hello Marisol. I was about to leave. If you need anything do not hesitate to call me." "Thank you." Just a minute later the doorbell rang and Horatio answered it. It were Marisol´s parents. He asked them in and intruduced them to Yelina. They sat down in the livingroom. Yelina noticed the tension.

"Marisol we need you to rethink your decision of having us in your pregnancy." "That will not happen." "Why not." "Because it will not happen." Horatio could see that Yelina was getting up and asked. "Yelina are you alright?" "Ray jr. is here." She opened the door for him. "Ray!" "Mom!" He entered the livingroom and Yelina introduced him to Marisol´s parents. "Uncle Horatio can I talk to you alone?" "Sure. I will be right back guys." "Horatio!" Marisol got up and went to Yelina. "Yelina we both know Horatio. He will tell you later. Let Ray jr. talk to him first." "You are right. He is a second father to him, you know after Ray died." "Yelina it is alright. I know that Horatio sees him and Madison as his children. Do not worry. We are family." "Thank you Marisol." She could see the worry on Yelina´s face.

"You are worried about him right?" "Yeah. I mean he was nine when Ray died two years ago. He is looking for a father figure I cannot give him. But we have Horatio." "Yelina Ray jr. is not the only one who needs support. You also need a husband like figure who is there for you and someone with a shoulder to lean on." "No I am alright. I do not need anyone." "Yelina look at me." She reluctantly looked up at Marisol. "I can see that you need someone too. I am not blind. Yelina Horatio is your brother-in-law and you have the right to ask him for support and he will also be the shoulder you can lean on if need be." "Marisol I cannot come into your marriage and intrude." "Yelina you are not coming into our marriage. You are family. If you need support, a shoulder to lean on or someone to talk you can always come to us. No matter what time it is or where I am. Even if I am in labour. Horatio and I would never sent you away." "Thank you. That means a lot."

Horatio and Ray come back to the livingroom. Horatio can see Yelina and Marisol standing next to each other behind the couch. "Yelina everything is alright. Do not worry." "Thank you. Horatio." "Yelina you are family. Try to relax a little." "I know. Marisol already made it clear that I am family and that I can always come to you if I need you." "Right. Do not hesitate Yelina. You are not alone with the responsibility." "I will try not to." "Alright. Ray take care and call me." "I will uncle Horatio. Bye aunt Marisol." "Bye Ray. Bye Yelina" Marisol said as she pulled Yelina into a hug. "You know where we are if you need us." After they had left Horatio and Marisol turned back to her parents.

"Sorry we had to take care of this." "We saw that. Why did they not say one word about you being pregnant." "Well Ray was not really in the mood." "Yelina does not bring things like that up. Besides she respects our wish of a private pregnancy." "Yelina almost lost Ray jr.. She was in the hospital a long time and had a long labor. She does not really like remembering the pregnancy." "Why did you really come here." "To get you to start acting normal" "Either you accept our way of living or we will get a restraining order. Now we would please ask you to leave our house." With that her parents left and left the couple alone again.


	6. January 2004

January 2004

Marisol and Horatio´s daughter Isabella Meredith Louise Caine was born on the 3. of January 2004.


	7. October 2004

October 2004

Isabella was nine months old by now and Horatio had started to work when she was one month old. Isabella would be baptized soon and Marisol was preparing everything. She planed a little ceremony only with family and the team. Her godparents are going to be Marisol´s sister Isabella and Calleigh.

"Horatio!" Horatio turned around and saw Calleigh standing behind him."Calleigh!" "Horatio I need to talk to you." "Sure." "Marisol came to me yesterday. She seemed to be a little distraught." "Thank you." "Horatio talk to her. Please be careful." "I will."

When Horatio came home in the lunch break he found Marisol sitting in the rocking chair with Isabella. He walked up to her and slightly cupped her face and kissed her cheek. "Hey!" Marisol opens her eyes and smiles at him. "Honey you look tired. Are you alright?" "Yeah." He knelt down infront of her and put a hand on her knee." "Sweetheart Calleigh came to me and told me that you seemed a little distraught yesterday." "Horatio! I was a little distraught yesterday. But I am alright now." "What happened?"

She got up from the chair and went upstairs and put Isabella in her crib and then she came back down. She sat down next to him on the couch. "Horatio! I have to tell you something." "Sure sweetheart what is it?" "I had a normal check-up with my doctor about a week ago." "What is it?" "I am eight weeks pregnant again. We are going to have a second baby in May." He looked at her stunned.

"Horatio say something. Please." "Marisol I am happy but are you alright with that?" "Yes. I am alright by now. I was a little distraught yesterday but after I talked to Calleigh I was alright. I am alright and happy with it now." "I am happy to." He kissed her and she leaned into him.


	8. December 2004

December 2004

Marisol was four months pregnant now with their second child. Again they had fought a very hard battle with her parents asking them to respect their wish of privacy and a quiet pregnancy without being on spotlight everyday. Her parents reluctantly agreed this time after they had been banned the last time. Marisol still did not really believe her parents promis when they said that they would stay out of their pregnancy. Horatio could see that the insecurity was haunting her. He hate to see her hurt and insecure.

"Horatio is that you?" "Sweetheart it is me." "He walked into the dinningroom seeing her setting the table and Isabella playing in the play pen. He walked up to her and wrappen his arms around her from behind. She leaned into his chest and sighed. He could feel the stress in her without her saying a word. She was unrelaxed. "Sweetheart why do you not sit down and relax. I will handle dinner." "Thank you Horatio. I definitely am in need of a break." "Honey you have to rest during the day too, because you have to think about yourself and the baby." He led her to a chair and she sat down. He kissed her temple and stroked her hair. "I know. Your little missy is just very active." "Marisol stop. I know what you are doing. She does take naps. You could rest during those. But I know you do not. You do not because you are still thinking about your parents and if they will keep their word or not."

She got up at walked to Horatio who is now standing infront of the stove. "You are right. I cannot take my mind away from the thought that they might break their word. It hardly lets me rest. It is hard enough to sleep as it is." "I know. I noticed it in the last nights." "Yeah. It is easier with you there but it is hard enough." "I know. We are going to bed early today so you can get some sleep." "Thank you." He pulled her into a hug seeing the exhaustion in her face.

After eating dinner the couple retired to the couch for the evening news. Marisol snuggled into him and enjoyed the time with him. "Marisol come on the news are over. Let us go to bed." "Yeah." He led her to the bedroom and helped her get changed. After she took a shower she rejoined her husband in the bedroom looking really exhausted. He helped her into bed and joined her and pulled her into him. A minute later she had fallen asleep. He followed a few minutes later.

The next morning he awoke to an empty bed. He got up and showered knowing that his wife would be in the livingroom or kitchen. After he had dressen he went to the livingroom and found her sitting on the couch with Isabella. He went to her and sat down next to her careful not to scare her. "Marisol!" "Morning! I did not want to wake you." "Honey you do not have to be sorry for wakeing me. Never." "I know. I still did not want to wake you." "Honey are you alright?" "I am fine. As fine as can be. Isabella stop kicking your younger sibling." "What is she doing?" "She is kicking into my stomach." "Let me take her." He takes Isabella from Marisol.

After prepareing breakfast Horatio comes back into in the livingroom and sees Marisol lying on the couch, sleeping. He knew he had to leave for work so he called Yelina. Yelina came by and took care of Isabella while Marisol was sleeping in the livingroom. "Calleigh!" "Horatio! You are sounding serious. What can I do for you?" "Marisol is really of. It is because she does not trust her parents word." "What can I do?" "Can you talk to her? She does not sleep well and is exhausted in the evening. This morning she was up really early and while I was prepareing breakfast with Isabella she fell asleep on the couch. Yelina is at our house right now takeing care of Isabella." "I will talk to her."

After Calleigh arrives at the Caine house an hour later Yelina had left already. Marisol and Calleigh were sitting in the livingroom and Isabella was sleeping. "Marisol are you alright?" "Yeah I am fine." "Mari do not lie to me. It is me Calleigh." "Well I am pretty exhausted. I can hardly sleep because I do not know if I can take my parents words for true." "Has Horatio ever told you to think about yourself?" "Yes he has." "You have to think about two people." "I know." "Marisol I am pretty sure that Horatio has told you to trust him that he will make sure that your parents keep their word." "Yes he did." "Do you trust him Marisol?" "Yes. I love him and I turst him." "Why do you not trust him on this." "Calleigh I trust him. I do not trust my parents on this." Calleigh excused herself for a moment and called Horatio and asked him to come home.

When Horatio arrived the two women were waiting for him. Calleigh opened the door for him and whispered to him. "Marisol trusts you with every fiber of her being but she does not trust her parents. She is afraid that they might get past you." "Thank you Calleigh." Calleigh took Isabella played with her. Horatio went to the livingroom and sat down next to Marisol. "Horatio! I am sorry. I trust you but I do not trust my parents." "It will be alright." "What if they get past you?" "Honey we will be alright. Everything will be alright." "Ok." "I want you to go get some rest." He said it firmly so that she did not want to argue with him. After she had left Calleigh reentered the livingroom. "Calleigh could I ask you for a favour?" "Sure." "Will you be able to help me look after Marisol during the day. I need her to get some rest and she will only do that when she is not alone with Isabella, right now." "Sure." "Thank you."


	9. Febuary 2005

Febuary 2005

Marisol still had a hard time trying to relax. When Horatio returned from work he could see her sleeping on the couch and Calleigh and Isabella sleeping infront of her on the floor. When Calleigh saw him enter she picked up Isabella and walked to him. "Horatio!" "How is she Calleigh?" "Not good. She has been crying earlier and is totally out of it. Horatio I think she needs to get away for a while." "Thank you." He walks to the couch and picks her up and carries her to the bedroom. When he makes an attempt to leave her and get up from the bed she grabs his hand. "Horatio!" "I am right here sweetheart." She smiles at him weakly. "How are you?" "Alright. I was totally crying earlier but I am alright now." "Sweetheart I think we should get away for a few days." Marisol´s face lit up immediately when he said that. "Yes please." "Somewhere where only the team knows where we are." "Alright." "You get some rest and I will make preperations for that." "Thank you." He leaned down and gave her a passionate kiss.

After he left their bedrom he brought his daughter to bed and left Calleigh in charge of the lab for the next few days. He called the chief and notified him. He then packed suitcases and put the things in the car. He then joined his wife in bed. The next morning the family went on their vacation to a secret place. A place where Marisol would be able to relax and get her strength back.


	10. March 2005

March 2005

Marisol is now seven months pregant with her and Horatio´s second child who would be born in May. She had gotten some of the strength back during their vacation. Horatio was happa about it. Aside from that her parents stayed away from them. In febuary her sister Isabella had given birth to her third child and second daughter Maria. In the beginning of May Calleigh, who is married to Eric, has given birth to her third child and third daughter Grace.

She enjoyed her time with Isabella and they enjoyed their time as a family when Horatio was at home. He spent as much time as he could with his family. He loved to play with Isabella and help Marisol where he could so that she was able to rest and relax more often.

Marisol and Horatio spent a lot of time discussing names for both girls and boys. Marisol still loved her mother even if she could be very persuading when she thought she was doing the right thing. But she still wanted to name a firl after her and her great-grandmother Clorindha. Horatio knew that and he would respect each name she chose and each way she chose to honer those two women and others. "Horatio!" "I am right here sweetheart." He walked to their livingroom and he sat down next to her on the couch. "What is it?" "I think we are going to have another little girl Horatio." "Are you sure?" "I just have a feeling it feely the same way it felt when I was pregnant with Isabella." "OK. But you know that it could still be a boy." "Well I hope not." He pulled his wife into a hug and kissed her temple. He knew that his wife is wishing for a little girl. He hoped that it would be one too.


	11. May 2005

May 2005

Marisl had had a hard time giving birth to her and Horatio´s second child. Their second daughter was stubborn and had almost caused Marisol to have a cesarion section. But luckily she did not need to have one. Horatio was at her side the whole time. He hled her hand the whole time and did everything he could to help her.

Their second daughter Dolores Clorindha Marisol Caine has been born on May 11th 2005. She has been named after Marisol herself, her mother Clorindha and Marisol´s three great-grandmothers Clorindha, Dolores and Marisol. Her elder sister Isabella Meredith Louise Caine is named after Marisol´s forth great-grandmother Isabella, Horatio´s grandmother isabella and his mother and great-grandmother Meredith and other grandmother and great-grandmother Louise.

Horatio sonehow knew that she would possibly choose those names. She loved her family and had loved her great-grandmothers so it was very clear for her that she would honor them. Horatio did not go agsinst her in that point. He knew that she would never choose names he did not lie but aside from that she pretty much had a free hand in that point.

During the day her sister and her brother came with their families as well as Yelina who had just returned from Brazil with Ray and their children Ray junior and Matthew. She and her family were living in Miami again. They now had all of their family close by.


	12. June 2005

June 2005

My now marisol´s parents have seen their granddaughter too. Horatio and Marisol still made sure that they did not try to interfere with their life too much. It was hard but they did the best they could.

When Horatio came hime in the evening he found his wife holding Dolores and playing with Isabella. He sat down on the floor and kissed his two daughter and his wife. "Dod your parents show up again?" "Surprisingly no. I am glad bout that Horatio." "That is good Marisol. Did you get some rest while they were sleeping?" "Not really. I just could not." "I understand. But you need to get some rest to sweetheart. You need your strength. Especially when the nights are as short as they are." "I know but I just could not do iot. I am sorry. I know I proised you that I would." He pulled her to him and kissed her temple. "You do not have to be sorry Marisol. I am worried about you that is all." "I know." He knew that she was worried what her parents would do next. He knew that she was worried about their actions but he would do everything he could to protect her and their children.


	13. September 2005

September 2005

Her parents seemed to have understood that they had to play noce to ensure that they could see their granddaughters and would not be banned. Marisol seemed to be relieved about the change in her parents behaviour and hoped that it would stay that way. She did not want to fight with her parents. Neither did Horatio. As of now they all seemed to be a happy family including her parents.

Horatio noticed the change because Marisol did not seem to be so unrelaxed anymore. She was totally relaxed now. He was happy about ti because he did not want her to be stressed, unrelaxed or unhappy. They were on their way to a happy family again.


	14. October 2005

October 2005

Marisol´s world had crashed, when she had gone to her doctor´s who had done a routine check-up and had found a limp in her breast. She had done tests and came back as cancer. She loved her daughters and her husband. She did not want to hurt him. She did not want her parents, sisters, brother or their spouses to know. She wanted to keep it to herself. When she had left her doctor´s office her head had been spinning and her world was starting to spin and she did not know how she would get home. Marisol felt like she was about to lose control over her life and she could not let that happen, because she had two daughters who needed their mother.

She somehow ended up in their driveway, got out of the car, took her things and walked into their house. She tried to be as normal as possible but she knew that she must look awful and that Horatio would see the tear stains on her face immediately. She walked up to Horatio and gave him and their daughters a kiss. He noticed immediately and looked at her worried but she just shook her head indicating that she did not want to talk at the moment. "Sweetheart?" Marisol looked at him and he saw something he did not like. He saw fear in the eyes of his beautiful wife.

Horatio took her hand in his and led her to the couch Isabella where was sleeping. She picked up Isabella and they put the girls down for their nap. They then returned to the living-room and sat down on the couch together. She hoped that he would not notice anything. "How was your appointment?" "It was normal, Horatio really. Just a couple of needed routine tests. Doctors you know how they are." He knew immediately that she was trying to disguise it. It was evident to him that something must have happened at the doctor´s office something that had her running scared. "Yes. Sweetheart I know how doctor´s are but that is not all right?" she shook her head no giving him the answer. He pulled her into him and wrapped an arm around her.

He did not know if it was true but he had the feeling that she might have something on her mid. "Are you alright?" "Yeah. Just tired." He pushed her back so that she was looking at her and he could see something in her eyes that did not belong there. He could not tell what it was but he was sure that he saw something he did not want to see. "What is it?" "Nothing." "Did the doctor say something?" He could feel her tense and knew that he was right. Something was off. Horatio lightly massaged her neck trying to get her to relax.

"Horatio, I am just tired honey." He put a hand under her chin so that she was looking at him. "What is it sweetheart?" "Horatio please I am just tired." She was begging him to stop. "There is something right?" "Horatio please stop it now. I am tired for god sake." He could see the tears well up in her eyes. She was struggling to keep them at bay. Unfortunately she was unable to keep them at bay, because a few seconds later they were running down her face and started to turn into sobs shortly after.

He wrapped his hand around hers and made her look at him. "Talk to me sweetheart. I want to help you Marisol." She could not take it anymore and hid her face in Horatio´s chest letting him hold her tight. After a few minutes he could hear her starting to talk. "Promise me that you will not call my parents, my brother, my sisters and their spouses or Yelina or your team. Promise me that you will never ever tell them about it." "Marisol?" Horatio looked at her shocked. "Promise me Horatio." "Sweetheart. I promise you Marisol that I will not tell anybody anything if you do not want me to. What is going on?" "Promise me that you will keep them away from him for a while." "I promise you Marisol that they will not come near you if you do not want them to." "Thank you." She moved back from his chest and gave him a grateful smile.

"Now what is on your mind sweetheart?" She swallowed convulsively and then snuggled back into his chest. "The doctor detected a limp in my breast. I have cancer. I will need chemotherapy and I will need an operation." She was now crying and Horatio pulled her into him even more. It shocked him to but he can only imagine how Marisol is feeling right now. He knew she must be scared.

"We will get through this together, as a family. I promise you no one will know that you have cancer and that you had cancer if you do not want them to know." She nodded. "Thank you." "I will be there with you every step of the way. Do not doubt that." After she had calmed down a little she pulled back. "My first session in on Monday." He nodded and smiled at her. "I will be there. We will do this together." "Thank you." He pulled her back against his chest and just let her cry.


	15. December 2005

December 2005

Marisol was now doing Chemotherapy and Horatio wanted to fulfill her wishes and keep their secrets but it got harder by the minute. Marisol was getting weaker and weaker, having problems to stay healthy. She was in a lot of pain and had nausea after therapy a lot.

Horatio had dropped of the kids at Daycare and returned home to take care of his wife. He found her lying in bed. She was weak and looked awfully pale. He sat down on the edge of the bed next to her and held her hand. "Marisol, are you ready to get up yet?" She looked at him and the tears immediately started to fall. He helped her sit up and moved so they were both sitting against the headboard of the bed.

"Why the tears Marisol?" he continued to soothingly run his hand up and down on her back. "I feel like I lost all my strength. I am not strong enough anymore to have one of the girls sitting on my lap or carrying them. I cannot even walk with them holding my hand. I miss my daughters." He pulled her into his chest even more. "Marisol you are very ill at the moment. That does not make you a bad mother. You are the mother of two beautiful girls who needs to take care of her health first before she can take care of her girls. You are the first priority at the moment. That will change again soon but at the moment you need to think about your health." He kissed her temple noticing that his shirt was damp.

A few minutes later she had calmed down. "Are you ready to go to therapy Marisol?" She held onto him even tighter. "Are you going to come?" "Of course I will. You know that I am not going to leave you alone with this." She nodded and rested against his chest again. Horatio noticed that she was trying to gather some strength. He knew that she would need it and he would give to to her.

At the hospital he could see Marisol getting even paler and knew by now, that that was her reaction to the hospital and to the things that were about to happen there. He led her to the waiting nurse. She greeted the couple and brought them into the big room where there were a lot of lounge seats and recliners. Each section seperated by a thin curtain. Marisol patiently sat down on one of the lounge seats and Horatio covered her with a blanket. He tenterly held her hand while the nurse put the IV which would led the medicine into her body, into her arm. During this time he could feel her squeezing his hand and knew that it must have been the needle.

The nurse left leaving the couple alone. Horatio moved his chair closer to her lounge seat never letting go of her hand. He held her hand while she tried to get some rest, as the medicine flowed into her body. At this moment she needed all the rest and energy she could get.

After a while he noticed that she seemed to stir and was immediately alert. "Horatio!" her voice was thin and a tiny bit fearful. She looked extreme pale. He gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "I am right here sweetheart." He moved his other hand to her check and cupped it lightly. She leaned into his touch grateful for having him there with her. She nodded as an answer to his earliert statement. She had been given medicine for over four hours and she was very close to the riff emotionally speaking. If she did not get some time alone with Horatio she would crack wide open in the public.

During the drive back home Marisol was weak and was resting as good as she could. When they were in their bedroom later she was sitting in Horatio´s lap resting. She was leaning against his chest and Horatio noticed how his shirt started to get damp. Moments later sobs wracked her slim body. Horatio just held her and let her cry allowing her to cry out the pain he knew she was having.

After she had calmed down he carefully moved her head of his chest. "Are you alright?" she shook her head no. "I just want this pain to stop. I mean I know that they took out the lip but the chemotherapy is hurting." He carefully wrapped his arm around her again. "Sweetheart I know it is painful but you cannot give up hope. I will be with you every step of the way." She nodded her head and leaned back against his chest. "Do you want something little and light to eat?" "I cannot. I already have nausea and the pain is incredible. You are the only thing I need right now." "Alright. Try to get some rest. I will be right here." He tightened his hold on her and felt her go weak in his arms moments later and knew that she was asleep. The best thing for her, rest. He just hoped that she would keep her strength.


	16. April 2006

April 2006

Over the last six months nobody has noticed that she went to therapy and that she was ill. They intende to keep it that way. Horatio did everything he could to keep the family and the team away from them during the two weeks where she had therapy. That way the family and especially Marisol had the privacy that she had needed. She had had her operation and now she seemed to be healthy. She would be cured in April 2011. She and Horatio both knoew that it would be five hard years until then.

They were just happy that it was over and that they could have a normal life again. Horatio had beedn at her side during each session and helped her when she had been nausious because of the chemotherapy. But now they were a happy family again. That is the only important thing.


	17. September 2006

September 2006

Marisol had survived the cancer and was slowly filling up her reserves again. The cancer and the chemotherapy had worn her out. Both of them were happy that it was definitlys over.

"Horatio!" He walked over to her. "What is on your beautiful mind honey?" "You." "Me?" "Yes you." "Why?" "You know I was just thinking when we have enjoyed ourself for the last time. I mean really enjoyed ourself." "I know. It has been a long time." "Why?" "Because you have been ill and you needed to save your strength for our daughter. An since April you had to get your strength back and make sure that you do not loose it again." "Horatio I know that you are still very worried about me. But please do not deny me that." "I will think about it." "Thank you. I miss you." He pulled her into hims for a kiss which ended up in a very sweet and passionate love making. After that they were laying on bed with Marisol laying in his arms. "Thank you Horatio." "You are welcome. You were definitly up to it now. Not before." "I know that I was not up to it before because I had cancer." He could hear in her voice that it was still bothering her that she had had cancer. "Honey that is in the past. We have to look into the future." "I know. Thank you." He gave her a sweet kiss and pulled her into a hug again as she drifted of to sleep.


	18. December 2006

December 2006

Marisol was completly the old one again even though she still had to go to the check-ups every three months. Horatio knows that she is really worried about what would have happened and about what might happen if she would have cancer again with their daughters and with him. She would never say her worries out loud but Horatio could sense that she definitly had her thoughts about these things.

When he returned to the lab after questioning a family he ran into their lawyer. "Don!" "Horatio!" "What are you doing here?" "I just had to let Mrs. Calleigh Duquesne and Eric Delko sign your wifes will Horatio." "Alright. Don I got to get back to work." "Bye." While Horatio walked back into his office he wondered why Marisol had set up a will without talking to him.

After returning home from work in the evening he decided to talk to his beautiful wife. "Honey could I talk to you for a moment." "Sure." She joined her husband in the diningroom. "What is it?" "It is nothing serious. I ran into Don at the lab. He needed to get signatures from Calleigh and Eric under your will." She looked down at her feet a little ashamed. "Honey why did you set up a will without my knowledge?" "Horatio." "Marisol you can set up a will if you want to but I would like to know about it if that is alright with you." "It is. I set up a will in case of my death. If I should die I want the children to stay with you but I want Eric and Calleigh to have custody too, to help you. I am sorry." She continued setting the table.

He grabbed her by the arm and turned her to him. "What are you sorry for sweetheart?" "I am sorry that I did not talk to you before and that I did not inform you." "You have nothing to apologize for. You just wanted our children to be taken care of. Nothing wrong with that." When he saw that there were tears rolling down her cheeks he wiped them away with his thumbs. "Honey no tears it is alright." He pulled her into his chest. "I am just worried what might happen if the cancer returns and if I might survive it a second time." "I know."

After she had calmed down again he pulled back. "Honey I think we should continue setting the table so that you can get something to eat." "Ok." He led her to the kitchen and then helped her set the table and prepare their dinner. After they did the dishes and retired to the livingroom with their daughters. When she took their daughters upstairs for bed he stayed in the livingroom but decided to follow her a few minutes later. When he was about to enter the girls bedroom he heard her talking to them. _"If your mommy will not be here anymore one day daddy, aunt Calleigh and uncle Eric will take good care of you and so will the rest of the family. They will tell you who I was if I should have to leave you. They will make sure that you will never forget me. I will always be with you. Please never forget that."_

Horatio carefully entered the bedroom and walked up to his wife. He placed a hand on the small of her back. "It is alright honey." She turned around and through herself against Horatio´s chest. She was crying and Horatio pulled her even more into him and tightened his hold on her. He picked her up and carried her to their bedroom. He carefully placed her on the bed and then helped her change. He then changed too and joined his wife on the bed. He pulled her into him knowing that she was terrified that she might have to leave their daughters, when they were still to young.

After she had calmed down he helped her sit up and pulled her into a hug while leaning against the headbord. "Listen to me Marisol. I know that you are scared that the cancer might return but you have to start looking into the future. We have two healthy little daughters who need both of their parents." "But what if…" He covered her mouth with his finger. "Honey stop it. It will be alright. You are going to have to trust me on this." "You know that I trust you with my life Horatio. But…." The emotions got to much and she hid her face in his chest. She just enjoyed being held by him. "But what honey?" "Not now." "Ok." "I just want to enjoy our time together." "Alright. I just want you to relax." She snuggled into him more as he started to massage her neck trying to get her to relax.


	19. March 2007

March 2007

"Horatio I know that the doctor said that I should wait until I am free of symptoms for two years, which would be next year, but I cannot wait." "Cannot for with what honey?" She looked at Dolores who is sleeping next to her on the couch. "I want another baby Horatio." "Honey you are still recovering." She got up so that they would not wake their daughter and went to the familyroom. Horatio followed her. He wrapped his arms around her waist. "Talk to me." "I want another baby Horatio." "I know. But you still have to wait until you have recovered and the doctos approve." "I know that I healthy again but I need to feel it too Horatio. I need to feel normal again." He pulled her into him. He knows that she needs the feeling of a normal life again but he loves his wife so much that it tears his heart apart if he would have to deny his wife her biggest wish.

He pulled back and looked into her dark brown eyes. "Honey I know that we should wait until the doctor approves but I can hardly bear to see you so desperate and sad. We could start trying for another baby and wait to see what happens." "Alright. Thank you." She leaned forward to give him and kiss. He was happy to see his wife smiling brightly. But he was also a little worried if everything would be alright of it was really to early. He just hoped that Marisol would be alright whatever the outcome might be.


	20. July 2007

July 2007

Marisol´s wish was and is something that still has Horatio worried. He still thinks that it is too early after being so ill. He would not say no to further children but he wants to protect his wife from getting ill again and from getting dissapointed. Her determination worried him even more.

When he come home from work in the even his two daughter were playing peacefully in the livingroom and Marisol was prepareing dinner. He walked up to his wife and wrapped his arms around her from behind. Marisol jumped at his touch. She turned around and Horatio could see her fear. "Honey it is just me." "Horatio please do not scare me like this again." He pulled her to him. "I am sorry. I did not want to scare you honey." "Good." She walked out of his embrace and continued to cook. "Could you keep an eye on the kids?" "Sure." He went ot play with his daughter in the livingroom. While he was playing with them they told him what they had done during the day. Isabella told him that Marisol was not able to carry Dolores after Daycare. Marisol heard the conversation and knew that Horatio would ask her about it.

Horatio entered the kitchen a few minutes and asked her about it. "Horatio!" He put a hand on her lower arm and gave it a squeeze. "You do not need to hide from me Marisol. Why were you not able to carry Dolores earlier?" She looked into his eyes and knew that she had to tell him. "Horatio I am hungry and so are the girls. We will talk later." "OK." She leaned up to kiss him and then went to continue with dinner.

As they were sitting in bed with Horatio´s arms around her, she talked to him. "You are right. I was not able to carry Dolores after Daycare." "Why? Did something happen." "No." "Are you sick again?" He could feel her stiffen and tense next to him and stroked her back. "I am sorry honey." "Horatio we are going to have a baby in January." That was news he did not expect and she knew it. "I know that you did not expect it Horatio." He stoped her by kissing her. "Marisol I know that we wanted to start trying but now it happened earlier then we expected it and that is alright. I am just worried about you." "I am a little worried, too Horatio." He tightened his embrace around her. "Sweetheart I know that you are worried but we will be alright. You just have to taki it easy. Isabella and Dolores will just have to understand that you cannot carry them and that you have to take it easy." "I know." She snuggled into him thankful for his strong arms and his support.

He hoped that the pregnancy would not come to early in her recovery and that she and the baby would be healthy.


	21. September 2007 01

September 2007

Horatio is constantly worried about Marisol because he stillthinks that the pregnancy should have happened later. Now he cannot change it but he can do everything he can to help her.

"Caine!" "Honey it is me." "Horatio! Is everything alright?" "Calm down. I just wanted to make sure that you are alright." "I am alright. When will you be home tonight.?" "Do not worry I will be home early tonight." "That would be nice." He could hear that she seemed to be tired. "Marisol!" "Horatio I need to make a list. Wait a minute…….. Oh my God! I need to pick up the girls and I need to cook." "Honey stop." "Why?" "Marisol please listen to me." "OK." "I will pick up the girls. Until we come home I want you to go lie down and get some rest." "I cannot….." "Yes you can go lie down. Let me do the work for a while."

Horatio heard a strange noise. "Marisol!" She stopped the call. He left his office worried and talked to Eric and Calleigh and they agreed to pick up the girls, and to keep them so they could play with Eric´s and Calleigh´s children. He then drove home. When he reached their house he could see Marisol sitting on the couch crying. He walked up to her and sat down next to her on the couch. He out a hand on her lower arm. "Horatio!" "What happened honey?" he asked concerned. "I wanted to prepare something for our wedding day tomorrow and then I made the list and cleaned the house. When I came back to the kitchen a minute later there was smoke everywhere and I called the firefighters." He wrapped his arms around her shoulders and with his other hand he held her hand. "I wanted to surprise you. I wanted to make something special and now I almost burned down our house."

"Hey!" She looked at him. "Calm down. Everything is alright. The girls are going to stay at Eric and Calleigh´s house for a while. We can replace the kitchen but the most important thing is that you and our baby are alright." She just nodded into his chest. "How about you go down for a while and I will join you in a minute. I am just going to call Calleigh." "OK." Horatio went to the familyroom and called Calleigh to tell her that they would pick up the girls next week.

When he returned to the livingroom Marisol was still sitting on the couch with her knees pulled up. Horatio knelt down infront of her. He helped her sit down with her feet on the floor again. He then covered her folded hands with his. He saw that she was in distress and knew that she would not be able to sleep well in the house duriong the night. He decided to take them to a hotel.

"Honey I will take us to a hotel tonight. Alright?" she just nodded. He went to pack there things and then lead Marisol to his car. On their way to the hotel she held his hand tight. When they reached the hotel he got out of the car and walked around to her side. When he opened the door she stirred. "It is me Marisol. We are at the hotel." She looked at him tired. He grabbed their bag and then he helped her to their room. In their room he sat her down on the bed and unpacked their bag.

Then he knelt down infront of his wife and tried to get her attention. "How about we get you changed and then we go lie down." She looked at him unsure and then nodded. He hlepd her to get changed and changed, too. he then helped her into the bed and they sat up against the headboard of the bed together. He could feel that she is unrelaxed and massaged her neck trying to get her to relax- She snuggled into him holding onto his shirt tightly. "How can we go back to our house with the kids Horatio. I do not want them to see the kitchen. What are we going to do?" He turned her to face him.

"Sweetheart you know that I would never show the kids the kitchen the way it is right now. You are going to have to trust me Marisol." "You know that I trust you with my life. I just want to live in a safe house again." "I know and you will."

During the night he noticed that his wife started tossing and turning. He woke up and sat up a little. He stroked his wives arm trying to calm her down. It did not help and he woke her up. When she woke up she needed a minute and then she clung to Horatio crying. "It is alright honey. Calm down. Do you want to talk about it." "Not yet." "OK. Take your time."

He calmed her down in anyway he could and was relieved when she was sleeping again.


	22. September 2007 02

September 2007

The first night at the hotel had not gone by the way Horatio had wanted it to go. Marisol had had nightmares but she was noit able to talk about them yet. It worried him very much that she could not talk about it. He did not want to hurt her, he just wanted to help her. He was glad that the girls were not there.

He exited the bathroom and saw her sitting in the bed. Horatio could see her sad and far away look, knowing that there had to be a way to get her out of it. He slowly walked up to her and knelt down infront of her. She seemed to be looking right through him so he slowly put a hand on her lower arm and gave it a squeeze. After a while she slowly looked up at him. There was no smile in her eyes, they seemed to be dead.

"Honey talk to me. Please." She continued to look at him. She grabbed his hand with hers and held onto it. She was clutching his hand. He drew circles on her palm with his thumb. "Marisol I just wanted to help you. Please honey talk to me." She bowed her head so that her hair was covering her face. He could also see tears shimmering in her eyes. He sat down on the bed next to her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. She let her head fall against his chest and tried to forget what had happened. Unfortunately it was not that easy to forget what had happened. It all came back to her and shook her. While the tears started to flow Horatio wrapped his arms around her tighter and triad to calm her down.

It turned into sobs and Horatio´s heart broke when he saw his fragile wife so broken. He did not know how he would get her to calm down. He just held her and let her cry. She was clutching his shirt and that showed him even more in what fragile state she is in. he knew that she needed to get outr to get a change of thoughnts. So he talked to her when she had calmed down.

"Marisol how about new go for a walk in the park. You could use a change of scenes." "I do not know if I am ready." He tiolted her chin up to look at him. "You will not know if you are ready if you do not try." She looked at him a little unsure. He gave her hand a squeeze. She gave him a weak smile.. he helped her up and they left their hoptelroom and went to the lbby.

When they left the hotel he could fell Marisol stiffen next to him. He was holding her hand and gave it a gentle squeeze. He held onto her hand tight and slowly pulled her with him. When he looked at her he could see her hesitate. He turned to stand infront of her and put his hands on her hips. "Marisol you will be alright. I am right beside you. Just a little walk." "OK."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and slowly led her out of the hotel towards the park. It took them a long time to get to the park, longer then expected. They were glad when they finally arrived in the park. On Marisol´s request they sat down on a bench for a while. He sat down with his arms wrapped around Marisol.

When they returned to the hotel about an hour later Marisol was totally exhausted and Horatio helped her lie down to get some rest. He lay down too with his arms wrapped around Marisol. She snuggled into him trying to get rid of the memoried.

He prayed that she would soon recover and that she would be alright again.


	23. September 2007 03

September 2007

When they were on their way home from the hotel on Sunday evening marisol was trying to get some rest. Horatio could see how desperatly she tried to get some rest. He could see her tight face and tight body position not knowing what to do with her hands. He reached over and covered her hands with his. She held onto his hand and covered his hand with her other hand. Their entwined fingers and hands seemed like her only real connection to life right now.

"Marisol!" She turned her head to look at him. "Do you want to go to the lab or home?" At the word home he could see her stiffen. "It is alright." She slowly started to relax again. "Horatio could we go home please." "Are you sure?" He could see that she was still afraid. "No." He gave her hand a squeeze. "Alright we will go home."

When they arrived at their house Horatio stoped the car and exited it and walked to her door. He opened her door for her and helped her out. He then led her up to their front door and unlocked it. Then he slowly and carefully led her into the house. When they neared the kitchen she hesitated. He wrapped his arm around her and pulled her to him even more. "I cannot go in there Horatio." "Alright." He looked at her and could see that she was not able to enter the kitchen. "How about we take ti easy. As slow as you need it to be. Alright?" She looked up at him. "Do not leave my side." "You know that I will not leave your side." "I know."

She leaned her head against his chest trying top get the courage to go to the kitchen. Horatio knew that it is useless to push her so he held her waiting paitiently for her to be ready. After a while she gave him a sign that she was ready. He had his one arm wrapped around her shoulders and with his other hand he held her hands.

He slowly lead her towards the k,itchen, careful not to scare her. When they reached the corner of the kitchen she suddenly stopped. She looked at Horatio and he already knew the answer. She shook her head no and he pulled her into a hug and wrapped his arms around her. He then slowly lead the crying Marisol back to sit on the couch in the livingroom. He sat down next to her and she leaned against his chest and his arms were wrapped securely around her.

After she had calmed down she pulled back a little and looked at Horatio. She could see that their walk to the kitchen had really tired her but she also looked at little unsure of herself. "You did great honey." "No." He cupped her face with his hands. "You really did great Marisol. I am proud of you." "But I did not go far enough." "Honey you went as far as you could. That is all you can do." She swallowed. "But I need to go to the kitchen. "Horatio stopped her by kissing her. "You cannot do more then we have done at the moment. You have to allow yourself to have a break. Honey you did really great. You did the first step and that is all that is important right now.

She looked straight at him. "How am I going to take care of the girls when I cannot go into the kitchen? Horatio I need to go into the kitchen." She had started to stand up but he grabbed her by the arm and pulled her back down on the couch. "Horatio!" He took her hands into his. "Honey stop it." "No." "Listen to me. I know that the girls need to be taken care of and they will be." She interrupted him. "But I need to take care of them. They are our daughters Horatio." "They are our daughters Marisol. I will take care of them. I will take care of them and I will take care of you. You do not have to worry. You have to take care of yourself and our baby." "Yeah." he pulled her into a hug knowing that she was feeling better knowing that he would be home for a while.


	24. October 2007

October 2007

Marisol is still recovering and is making good progress. Horatio has been with her for two weeks and has helped her to be able to walk into the kitchen again if she needs, too. The girls are in Daycare during the day so she has some time to herself. Normally that is positive but in her case that is nothing positive because she had nothing to keep herself occupied. Horatio knew that but he had to return to work.

He decided to come home in his lunch break to be with her for a while. When he opened the front door Marisol was lying down on their bed in their bedroom in the second floor. They had a living-room, family-room, dining-room, kitchen and a office in the first floor. Upstairs they had four bedrooms. When she heard the front door being opened she got afraid because she did not expect Horatio to come home during the day. She slowly got up from their bed and went to their closet to get the weapon out of the safe. Then she slowly left their bedroom and stopped shortly before the stairs where she was able to look downstairs to the door. She did not see anyone and waited because she did not want to let anyone know that she was at home.

After a while she saw Horatio leave the family-room and walk past the stairs to the living-room. She let out a gasp and caused Horatio to look up the stairs to see her standing at the top. He slowly went up the stairs and took the weapon from Marisol. "You scared me. I was on our bed resting when I heard someone open the front door and the two security looks. I got up and took the weapon and went here where I could look down. I did not want to go downstairs because the person could have heard me." "I am sorry." He pulled her into a hug. "I did not want to scare you. I wanted to surprise you and to spend my lunch break with you." "That is good." He led his wife down to the kitchen seeing that the fear is still in her system and in her mind.

During lunch he could still see part of the fear written in her face and it pained him that he caused that. He knew that he would have to go back to the lab and hoped that she would be alright until he and the girls would come back home in the evening. "Honey I have to go back to the lab again. Are you going to be alright?" "Yeah." He leaned over to his wife and gave her last kiss before he went back to the lab.

When he and the girls came home in the evening Marisol was nowhere to be found. Horatio locked all the locks on the front door and checked the locks on the porch door and the door leading to the garage. The girls went to play in their room. He then continued to look for his wife, who he finally found in their bed resting. He sat down next to her on the bed. She sat up slowly and joined him leaning against the headboard. "The girls are playing in their room." "I think we are having a girl Horatio." "How do you know that?" "I do not know that. It is just a feeling." "Alright." He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her into his chest. "I will prepare dinner and you get some rest." "I will help you." "Alright." Horatio helped her get up and then he and Marisol went downstairs to prepare dinner.


	25. December 2007

December 2007

The burn in the kitchen was three months ago in September. She was herself again but it sometimes came back to her.

At now eight months pregnant she was exhausted pretty easy what did not always make her happy. She got frustrated about her tiredness. Even their daughters noticed her mood swings.

Horatio was on his way home with the girls. "Why is mommy so mean daddy?" "What do you mean Isabella?" "When she brought me to Kindergarden this morning she yelled at me." "Honey mommy is really tired right now but I will talk to her." "Okay."

When they were home he sent the girls to go play while he talked to Marisol. He found her resting on the couch. "Hey!" he bowed down to kiss her hair. She reached up and put a hand on the arm, whose hand was on her shoulder. "I love you." "I love you too Marisol." He sat down next to her on the couch.

"Honey I would like to talk to you for a minute." "Okay." He took her hand in his. "What happened?" "What do you mean?" "Honey I want you to tell me what happened this morning." She looked down at their hands. "I dropped of Dolores at the Daycare and then we drove to the Kindergarden. We took a different route. We came past the lawyers office I work for. You know that I have been working there since I left Law School in 2000. I just hit me when we drove by. I miss my job Horatio." "I want you to tell me what happened today."

"Alright. We drove past my office and it hit me. I yelled at her. I do not know why. It just happened." He wrapped an arm around her shoulders. "I am not mad at you. I can understand that you snapped after you had worked at home for a long time. You were frustrated I get that. Isabella is innocent." "I know that Horatio. I am sorry." He looked at her lovingly. "I know." She leaned her head on his wide chest. "Honey what I want you to do is go upstairs and go lie down to get some rest. "Are you sure. I mean the girls." He oushed her back a little. "I meant it. Go. I will take care of the girls." "OK."

After Marisol had went upstairs he followed and joined their daughter in their room. He enjoyed his time with the girls and was able to explain to Isabella why Marisol had mood swings. He then got the girls to bed and then joined his wife in bed.

He laid down on his side of the bed and wrapped his arms around her and placed his hand on her growing belly. After a minute he saw Marisol move her head. "Thank you." "For what honey?" "Your hand made its kicking stop." "Has it been doing it the whole time?" "Yeah. Since I went to bed. The baby does that every evening." "Why did you not tell me that the baby was kicking every day." She turned around to face him.

"You were so worried about me since our kitchen burned. I did not want to worry you even more." He cupped her cheek. "Honey if you are in pain I want you to let me know. So please do not hide it from me. " "I am not going to lie to you. It hurts when the baby kicks me. I cannot promise you that I will wake you when it is kicking me but I will try." "That is all I am asking." He then wrapped her into a hug again. He massaged her back with one hand trying to relax her muscles.

The next morning he got up and let Marisol sleep for a while. He made a heating pad for her and then placed it at herback trying to keep her relaxed. He then tended to the girls and brought them to Daycare and Kindergarden. After that he returned home and checked on his wife. He found her still sleeping in their bed. He had turned of the alarm when he had woken up in the morning so she could sleep. He decided to let her sleep because she needed it. Instead he did some housework.

Later he went to work but left her a note. When he and the girls returned in the late afternoon Horatio noticed that she looked really and good. "Hey sweetheart." "Hey!" She smiled up at him. She gave the girls a hug and then played in the living-room.

"Thank you." "You are welcome. I had the feeling that you could need it." "Yeah. I actually did." He lightly kissed her while touching her belly. She relaxed into his touch. She could not deny it but she is happy.


	26. January 2008

January 2008

Horatio watched Marisol lying in her hospital bed resting. Next to her in a hospital crib was their third daughter. She had been born on January 31st 2008. Her name is Clara-Maria Sophia Yelina Caine. She is named after her maternal maternal great-grandmother Clara, her maternal paternal great-grandmother Maria, her paternal paternal great-great-grandmother Maria, her paternal maternal paternal great-great-grandmother Sophia and her paternal aunt Yelina. Salas.

Isabella´s godparents are Calleigh Duquesne and Marisol´s sister Isabella Delko. Dolores godparents are Eric Delko and Dolores Dlko, Marisol´s siters. Clara-Maria´s godparents will be Horatio Caine and Eric Delko.

When they were alone again in the evening, after their team and family had left, Horatio talked to his wife. "Tell me honestly. How are you feeling?" "I would be better in my own bed but I am alright for now." He sat down on the edge of the bed and takes her hands in his. "You know that I would take you home, from the medical point you could go home. But I want you to get some rest. You need it sweetheart." "I know. I am not complaining Horatio." He smiled down at her.

"I know that you are not complaining but I can read you. You want to be home right now. I know. You woll be soon honey." "Thank you." He lightly kissed her for head. He then helped her lie back to get some rest.

Two days later Horatio took Marisol and Clara-Maria home to their house. Marisol was happy to be able to take her home, she hated hospitals, even though she knew that Horatio just had her well-being in mind when he made her stay at her hospital.


	27. March 2008

March 2008

Clara-Maria is now two months old. Isabella really loves her younger sister. She öloves to help her mother change her baby sister and to help take care of her. Dolores on the other hand is still a little jealous of her baby sister. She has been the little on ein the house for almost three years and now she has a lottle baby sister. Marisol and Horatio know that it is harder for her then for Isabella.

During the day Isabella and Dolores now both went to Kindergarden. When they came home Dolores did everything to be close to her mother. Isabella spends a lot of time with Clara-Maria.

Horatio during that time was planning a surprise for his wife. He wanted to pamper her again, because he loved her and knew that she needed it since they had not been able to celebrate their fifth wedding anniversary last year. He knows that it had hurt her but now he wanted her to be able to celebrate it the way she had wanted, to. Ray and Yelina who had agreed to watch their three kids ontop of their kids. Now he only had to inform Marisol.

Ray was back as he had not died in 2001 and has returned to Miami alive in 2005 when Ray jr. was 13. After that they were a happy family again and were even able to welcome a further child into their family. Little Chloe Yelina Caine who was born in July 2006. Aside from that Ray and Yelina had two children. Raymond Horatio Caine born in June 1992 and Matthew Felipe Caine born in April 1997.

"Marisol could I talk to you for a moment?" "Sure." He sat down next to her on the couch. "I talked to Ray and Yelina and they agreed to watch the girls while we will go away for a weekend." "Why?" "We will re-celebrate our fifth wedding anniversary you had planned honey." She put her hand in his and looked at him. She could see that he was determined to let her be happy and to have some quality time as a couple.

"horatio I know that your intentions are good. Do not get me wrong. I would love to get away again, just the two of us, but I cannot do that." "Honey you know that Ray and Yelina will take good care of the girls." "I know. I trust Ray and Yelina with our children but I am worried that it might be to early, you know, because of me still breastfeeding." "Honey how about we take her with us." "We cannot do that because it would be unfair for Isabella and Dolores. I am sorry Horatio but I think that it will not be possible for usto go away at the moment." "Do not worry we will find another way to re-celebrate." "OK." He lightly kissed her temple and then decided to check on Dolores and Isabella.

He entered the girls room. "Daddy!" "Dolores." He picked Dolores up and took Isabella´s hand. He sat down with the girls on the floor. "Girls I want to talk to you." "Why daddy?" "Mommy will celebrate her birthday next month. What do you think about a surprise for mommy?" "A secret?" "Yes Dolores a secret. How about I call aunt Isabella, aunt Dolores and uncle Eric and we do a surprise party for mommy." "Yeah a surprise for mommy." "You have to promise me that you will not tell mommy about it." "I promis edaddy." "Thank you Isabella." "I promise too daddy." "Good. Dolores." He played with his daughter who were proud that they had a secret.

Horatio talked to Marisol´s siblings in the evening over th phone. They talked about the party and her siblings agreed to help him.


	28. April 2008

April 2008

Marisol had started to work again and Clara-Maria is in Daycare now. During the day Horatio and her siblings were able to plan the surprise party for her. They wanted it to be a special, like she is special to all of them.

In the evening Horatio could see that she is more relaxed and happy because she is able to work again. He knew that she had missed it and could see the difference it did to her. He was happy about her being happy.

Two weeks later the family went to their favourite restaurant where their familes and the team would be waiting for them. When they walked into the restaurant theys all claped hans and called "surprise". Marisol had tears in her eyes and was happy.

In their bed in the evening Marisol was happy. "Are you alright?" "Yes. Horatio how did you do that?" "Our team and our familes knew, including our daughters." "You did not have to do that." "Honey I did that because you deserved it. I wanted you to be happy. You hardly were happy for a long time but now that all the problems are over I wanted you to just enjoy yourself." "Thank you Horatio." "You are welcome." H epulled her into his chest knowing that it was good for her to enjoy herself again.


	29. June 2008

June 2008

Marisol is happy. Horatio has not seen her so happy until she had started to work again. She had been ill or some way depressive before that. Therefore it was even more a relief for him to see her almost constantly smiling. They now again had a household with two working paretns with children.

Aside from being happy that he and Marisol are both working he sometimes also is worried, that it might be to much for her to be working full-time and to be taking care of three children.

She had always known that there is the reals possibility of losing her husband on duty. It has been and will be her biggest fear. Horatio knows that and would do everything in his power to make sure that that does not happen.

Marisol and the kids are at home waiting for Horatio to come back. His colleague had called Marisol to inform her that he is missing. She did nota take it that well but she tried to keep it up infront of the children. When Horatio entered the livingroom he could see his two daughters playing in the livingroom and Clara-Maria was lying on the floor next to them.

He looked at his wife sitting on the couch and knew that something was off. He sat down next to her and covered her folded hans with his hand. "Are you alright?" She just looked at him and left the couch and went to the adjoining diningroom. He got up and foloowed her. "How could you Horatio?" "What are talking about?" He was taking aback. "I got a call from CSI and they told me that you are missing." He wrapped his arm around her. "Sweetheart I am here and I am alright and safe now. So put your mind at ease." "Do you know how I felt during the past hours? I was worried and afraid that our daughters would have to grow up without their father."

He pulled her into hios chest. "Marisol you know that I would not allow that to happen. You and the girls are the most important thing in my life and I would never intentionally leave you alone." She was hiding her face in his chest trying to assure herself that he is there. "So please just put your mind at ease." "Yeah." He knew that she was still not totally convinced, because the events of the day were still catching up with her. But he would make sure that she would be alright."


	30. June 2008 01

June 2008

During the past week Marisol had slowly realized that actually nothing had happened to Horatio. He had never before seen her watching him so unbelievingly checking on him every other minute. She was still uneasy but she was getting there.

"Daddy!" "What is up Isabella?" She came to Horatio. "Morning dad!" "Morning Isabella!" "Daddy why is mommy crying in the bathroom?" Horatio was alarmed by his daughters words. "Isabella I will check on mommy. How about you go play." "OK."

Isabella went to play and he went to check on his wife. When he entered their bathroom his heart almost shattered. Marisol sat against the tub, knees to her chest, her head hid in her knees, crying. He slowly walked to her and knelt down next to her and lightly put a hand on her lower arm.

She slowly looked up at him with a tear stained face and apained view. "Horatio" she said barely above a whisper. "I am right here honey." She reached for his hand with her shaking hand. Horatio took it into his hand and squeezed it tightly which caused more tears to flow. "it is alright honey." She looked into his face and could read the concern in it. She looked back at her knees.

Horatio now sat down next to her and then cupped her chin to make her look at him. "Sweetheart what has gotten you so rattled?" She laid her head against his cest. Horatio wrapped an arm around her and held her tight. He knew that something had to be incredibly wrong for her to react that way. After a while he helped her up. He then lead her to their bed and helped her lie down. "I will brign the kids to Daycare and Kindergarden and then I will come back." "OK."

After he brought the kids to Daycare and Kindergarden he returned home to find his wife still resting on their bed. He sat down on the edge of the bed and took her hand in his. "Talk to me Marisol." She looked up at him with a shattered look that broke his heart. She pulled back her hand and then rolled up in a ball. That concerned Horatio even more. "Marisol do not block me out. Please tell me what is bothering you so I can help you." "I cannot do that Horatio. I am sorry." She tightened the blanket even more around her trying to protect herself.

He moved up on the bed and sat against the headboard. He then picked her up and settled her in his lap. She did not even notice as she was emotionally to wasted. What worried Horatio the most is that she still has not talked to him. She cried into his chest and he just held her and let her cry hoping that she would have the courage to talk to him later.

A few hours later, after she had woken up, Horatio was still holding her in his lap. "Hey!" She looked up at him. "Hey!" she said ina weak voice. He pushed the hair out of her face with his hand and caressed her check with the back of his hand. She leaned into his touch a little.

"Are you able to tell me what is bothering you honey?" "I cannot even explain it to myself yet Horatio. I am still workling on that." "Alright. Take your time." "Yeah." She leaned into his chest again. Horatio accepted that she neede time even when it worried him. He held her and caressed her head and back and she tried to calm down and relax again.

"I do not know what to think of it but I am in pain." "Where are you in pain?" "Horatio!" "Ok. Take your time. I am right here when you are ready." She nodded into his chest. They sat on the bed that way for about on hour. Horatio holding her, just being there.

When she talked again after a while it almost broke his heart when he heard her voice. "I am in some sort of pain and it is in….." "Where is it Marisol?" She swallowed once. "It is in……it is in my breast" she said that barely above a whisper but Horatio heard the words clearly. "Everything will be alright. Let me call your doctor and then we will let her check you out and then we will see what happens. It will be alright." "Yeah."

He turned her so she was facing him. "I will be at your side every step of the way at every time. She try to get some rest and relax.i have got you Marisol." "Do not let me go Horatio. Please." He tightened his hold on her. "I am righthere sweetheart. Do not worry." He himself was worried, too but he had to hold it together in every way for Marisol. He noticed that she seemed to relax in his arms. A little while later she fell asleep.

When she woke up a few hours later she was still wasted emotionally. "Hey!" "How are you holding up?" "I do not know." That meant that she was not really feeling well at all and Horatio knew that. "Why do you not stay here while I get the kids." "Yeah. I do not really feel like getting up again Horatio." "That is perfectly fine honey. I will take care of the kids and bring them to bed. I just want you to rest and relax for a while." "OK." He gave her a kiss and then laid her down on the bed and covered her with the blanket.

After he had brought the kids to bed in the evening he went to check on Marisol. He entered their room to find her lying under the blanket on their bed facing the wondows. He walked around the bed and sat down on the edge of the bed. He took her hand in his and gave it a squeeze. "How are you feeling?" "I need to know the truth Horatio. I need to be sure about it." He could not overhear the pain in her voice.

He moved to sit against the headboard and she settled into his lap. It made her fell loved and comfortable. It is the shoulder to lean on that she needs at the moment. He was glad when she fell asleep in his arms a few minutes later.

The next morning they went to her doctor after they dropped of the kids. Marisol was clutching his hand and Horatio knew that she was scared and nervous. The closer they got to the doctor´s office the more nervous she got and Horatio noticed it, too. "Honey!" He parked the car and talked to her again. "Honey listen to me. Take a deep breath and try to calm down." He loveingly held her hand and she took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down. He then got out of the car and helped her out and led her to the doctor´s office.

When they were in the exam room with her doctor Marisol was a wreck again. "Can you tell me why you are here today Marisol?" Marisol swallowed and Horatio gave her hand an encouraging squeeze. "Helen I am in pain. It is in my breast." Marisol looked back down at her lap. Helen and Horatio gave each other a knowing look.

"Marisol I would like to examen you now." "OK." Marisol slowly got uo and sat on the exam table. Horatio could see the fear in her eyes and so could Helen. Horatio went to stand next to his wife and took her hand in his and gently laid his other arm around her shoulder.

Helen could hardly believe how little things it takes to get Marisol to relax. Hust Horatio´s touch took her fear away and allowed her to relax. Helen now examined her and was actually happy with what she found.

"Marisol you are perfectly healthy and fine. No need to worry." "Are you sure Helen?" asked Horatio as he wrapped both arms around his wife. "Helen tell us the truth. Marisol was close to completely breaking down and I honestly do not want to see her like that again and she would hardly survive another day like that. Is she really alright?"

"Horatio I have done every possible test and I assure you that she is alright." "I am sorry Helen. She has just been through enough." "I know Horatio. It is alright." Helen left the couple alone and Horatio turned to Marisol. She smiled up at him weakly. "Take me home." "I will." He helped her up and led her outside to their car.

At their home she was as relaxed as she had not been for a while, at least it seemed that way to Horatio. But both of them were happy that that nioghtmare was over.


	31. July 2008

July 2008

Horatio and Marisol were happy that the cancer scare was over. Horatio hoped that he would never again would have to see his wife that heartbroken and scared again. It had almost torn his heart apart to see her that way.

"Horatio why did I have to go throgh this again?" "I do not know. But it is over and you are alright." "I know. It just scared the hell out of me." "he wrapped an arm around her. "I know. You are alright now." "Yeah." She smiled up at him and Horatio could see how relaxed and haooy she was. He knew that him fighteing for her to talk to him was right.

Over the next few days they were a happy family until her maternal grandmother Clara died at the age of 83. It threw Marisol back into her hole again. Horatio had a hard time again keeping her calm and helping her grieve to get over her grandmother´s death. She was still weak and this did not make it better.

"Horatio this whole thing needs to stop." "It will sweetheart. I promise you that." He pulled her into his chest and let her cry. After a while she fell asleep in his arms exhausted from crying.


	32. July 2008 01

July 2008

Marisol has not been herself over the past few days. She was back in her nutshell trying to block everything out. She would get agitated easily. Horatio is really worried about her knowing how she does react to someone passing away in the family. He could only be there for her and try to coax her to talk to him and to let the grief out. He knows that he has to get her to let the grief out or she would hurt herself by bottling everything up.

He dropped the kids of at Yelina´s and Ray´s house after work to be able to spend a day alone with Marisol. When he got home she was already there. "Where are the kids?" "They are at Ray´s house." "Why?" "Honey we need to talk." She got white that moment and fled the kitchen taking refugee on the living-room couch. Horatio followed her and slowly sat down next to her. He wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into his chest. "Nothing has happened Marisol." He tried to console his wife. "I just want to spend time with my wife." She looked up at him knowing that there was more to it. "There is more right?" He nodded. "I know that you are trying to hide your grief from the kids. But you do not have to hide the grief from me. I am here Marisol." She looked at him again and knew that he was telling the truth. She just leaned into his chest again. After a while she let the tears flow starting to grieve. Horatio just held her and stroked her back trying to calm her down when the tears turned into sobs.

When she had calmed down she slowly pulled back and looked at him a little ashamed. "I am sorry that I am such a wreck again." He tilted her chin up so she was looking at him. "Marisol stop it. You do not have to be sorry. You have every right to be grieving. I am just sorry that I could not be with you when your beloved great-grandparents passed away. But I have told you that more than once right?" "Yes you have. I would have loved to have you there with me but unfortunately we first met in 2000 and not in 1990." He smiled down at her and lightly kissed her. She leaned into him again trying to relax. Horatio just held her letting her relax against him. He hoped that she would talk to him if she needed to.


	33. July 2008 02

July 2008

Horatio was really starting to get worried about Marisol´s health. She refused to talk about her grandmother´s death and she was pulling back more and more. He knew that he had to do something or she would get very ill.

She was the most sensitive Delko child and was also the most emotional one of the four Delko children. Horatio decided to talk to Marisol again to get her to talk about what happened. For that to happen without too much disturbance he had to ensure that their daughters were taken care of. Yelina Sales and his brother Ray would watch them.

After he had dropped the kids of at his brother´s place he drove home to talk to Marisol. When he entered their house Marisol was surprised that he came home without the kids. He could see that she was confused. "They are with Ray and Yelina." She nodded and he joined her on the couch.

"Why are the kids not home with you Horatio?" He took her hand in his. "Because I wanted to talk to you sweetheart." She pulled her hand back from his and moved into the corner of the couch. "I want to talk about your grandmother with you honey." She looked up at him and what he saw in her eyes pulled at his heart. Marisol eyes had fear and panic written all over them. He slowly moved closer to her and took her hand in his again. He carefully pulled her to him and wrapped an arm around her pulling her into his side.

"What do you want me to say Horatio?" "Whatever will help you Marisol." She tried to pull back from him but he held her tightly refusing to let her escape. She slowly surrendered and jest let her head rest against his chest. She still refused to cry or to talk about her feelings regarding her grandmother´s death. Horatio knew that she would be breaking when she had no escape.

"Marisol I know that you had a close-knit relationship with you great-grandparents and with your grandparents but you have to stop bottling up everything. Talk to me sweetheart. Please." She shook her head, no. he expected this to be hard but now he could only imagine how hard it was going to be. She really refused to even get close to her grandmother´s death emotionally. What he was about to do was definitely not the best way but it might get her to talk. He slowly stood up with her in his arms and led her over to the shelf with pictures of her family. He took the one he desired and returned to the couch with her. He then gave her the picture. "What do you see Marisol?" "Me and my grandmother Clara." He nodded. "It was the last picture of us. It was taken four months ago." He could hear the tears in her voice and knew that they were finally reaching their goal.

"Why did she have to leave now Horatio?" He tightened his embrace trying to soothe her with words. "Honey there is never a good time for someone to day. You know that. The important thing is that we work through the grief and bottle it up sweetheart. "I wanted her there for Clara-Maria´s baptism." "I know Marisol. She will be there. She will be watching us from above." "No." Now her tears suddenly turned into sobs and Marisol finally started grieving her grandmother´s death.

Horatio knew that she needed that but he also hated to see his wife in this bad condition. He held her while she cried in his arms. When the sobs died down he moved back a little to look into his wife´s eyes. He could read the pain there and knew that it was not over by any stretch of the imagination. It would take time for her to get past this. He knew that not every death and grieving process was the same and that it could always be different and take people a different amount of time to get over it.

"Horatio!" "What is it?" He noticed that she looked exhausted. "No more today." "That was enough for today sweetheart." She nodded and leaned back against his chest feeling protected and loved in his arms.

After a few minutes his noticed that her breathing had evened out. He looked down and saw that she had fallen asleep. He carefully lifted her up and carried her to their bed. He joined her and held her tightly hoping to get her to get some well deserved rest.


	34. August 2008

August 2008

Marisol was still fragile as it is. She had not recovered from her grandmother´s death. She still had a long way to go. Nobody knew that better than Horatio. He knew his wife´s way of thinking, probably better than anyone else. They had been married for a little over six years. They had three beautiful daughters and were a blended family.

What worried him the most at the moment was that she was not really eating and sometimes even refused to drink more than a sip. It was weighing her down and that was something that hat him concerned. His wife was scared that her siblings would find out how bad she actually is and Horatio knew that. He respected her wish to stay private on that matter and had not told them how she is. At least not the whole truth only bits and pieces.

He knew how deep she had fallen, when he came home from work with their daughters and found her sitting in his chair in the office with her legs tucked under her and a faraway look in her eyes. He carefully walked up to her and knelt down in front of her. Placing a hand on her knee and gentle squeezing it he got her to turn her head to look at him. Horatio knew immediately that he had to get the kids out of the house to be able to take care of her and called Ray and Yelina as he had done a couple of times before.

Half an hour later the children were in the care of his brother and his wife and he had time to give her his undivided attention. He walked back into the office with two cups of tea and put one down on the table in front of her and sat down in the recliner across from the table to give her the space she needed. After a few minutes he broke the silence "what happened Marisol?" she tucked her sweater tighter around her and looked at Horatio with a pained and saddened look. She slowly got up from the chair and walked around the table to stop right in front on him. Horatio put his tea cup on the side table and opened his arms for his wife.

Marisol looked back to the table for a moment deciding what to do but she then let herself sink onto Horatio´s lap and leaned against his chest, hiding her face in his neck. Horatio just held her allowing her the time she needed but soon felt his shirt getting damp. He knew that it was extremely hurtful and painful for her because all of her great-grandparents and other grandparents and already passed away. That is what hurt her the most and had made her feel totally lost.

Horatio had let her cry and had allowed her to let go of her emotions. After she had calmed down a little she pulled back some and looked directly at Horatio. "How are you feeling?" she smiled lightly and then closed her eyes for a second before she looked directly at Horatio. "I feel emotional" he just nodded and knew that it was true. She leaned back against his chest and tried to take on some of his strength. Horatio could feel the tremors still flooding through her body and felt is heart constricting as he saw how much she was suffering. When a fresh wave of tears and sobs shook her body he rocked her back and forth trying to soothe her.

Because she did not seem to calm down he carefully picked her up and carried her to their bedroom upstairs and sat up against the headboard with her wrapped up in his arms. He knew that she needed to be comfortable to have this conversation. A few minutes later she sagged against him and she knew that she had finished crying. He put his hands on her shoulders and pushed her back a little to be able to look directly into her eyes. "Sweetheart I want you to tell me everything you need to tell me. What caused you to sit in the dark office crying alone?" she took a hold of one of his hands with hers. He gave her hand a gentle encouraging squeeze.

"My mother called and asked me if I wanted to join them to visit the family grave to visit our grandparents and great-grandparents. She wanted all four of us to go to the family grave with her and my father. She wanted to put flowers on their graves." He listened to her at did not say anything because he knew that she was not finished. "I wanted to go visit them and tell them about our life and about Clara´s baptism but I could not bring myself to go there. I did not want to go alone." He pulled her back against his chest and held her for a moment. "Sweetheart you know that you could have called me right?" she nodded against his chest.

While they were sitting on the bed they suddenly heard the doorbell ring. Horatio could feel Marisol go tense in his arms. "I want you to stay here and lie down while I go answer the door." She nodded and he left their bedroom to answer the door while Marisol lied down to get some rest. When he opened the door he was not really surprised to find her parents and her siblings with their spouses. "Hey guys. Come on in" he led them to the sitting area in the living-room "Is Marisol alright? We are worried because she did not accompany us to the family grave today." He nodded "give her time. She is resting at the moment and I would like to keep it that way." "I am not resting." They all looked at Marisol who had descended the stairs in relaxing clothes. She walked up to Horatio who held out his arm to her and pulled her into a tight hug.

Her eldest sister Isabella was the first to talk "why did you not join us today?" "I…." she could not get herself to say what she wanted to say and looked up at Horatio pleading with him to help her. He pulled her into him and kissed her temple. "Go call Ray and Yelina. Ask them to bring the kids back." She looked at him "but my family." He could see a few tears in her eyes. "Go take a few minutes and call them." He lightly kissed and watched her walk to the office to call Ray and Yelina.

"Does anybody want something to drink?" by now her family had sat down on the couches and recliners in the living-room. "Yeah. I think tea would be good." Horatio went to the kitchen and made tea and returned to the living-room a few minutes later. At the same time Marisol returned from the office. She walked into Horatio´s waiting arms, when their doorbell rang again. Marisol opened the door and returned with her six month old daughter Clara-Maria on her hip while Ray was carrying four year old Isabella and Yelina carried three year old Dolores. They were accompanied by Ray and Yelina´s children Raymond jr., Matthew and their little daughter Chloe, who was being carried by her elder brother Raymond.

They joined Horatio and the Delko family in the living-room and Yelina passed Dolores onto Horatio while Isabella snuggled into Ray and Yelina took Chloe from her son and positioned her on her hip. A few minutes later Raymond jr., Matthew, Isabella and Dolores went upstairs to play in the girls room while Ray went to talk with Horatio and Marisol talked to Yelina. "Are you alright Marisol?" she looked at Yelina and her family was also curious about the answer. "You know how hard it is. Honestly I just want to have a relaxing day with Horatio and the kids. I need to try to get some rest because I am starting to go crazy." Horatio heard that and went to her side and pulled her into him and kissed her.

The afternoon turned into a little unplanned family get-together. Marisol made sure to find excuses so she would not have answer questions she did not want to answer. When she went to the kitchen her sister Isabella cornered her. "Marisol what is the matter?" "Isabella I cannot go to the grave yet." Isabella nodded and Marisol knew that she was not satisfied with the answer. "Marisol you are breaking with our traditions. You know that we go to the grave four weeks after a member of our family passed away. You hurt all of us, especially our parents." "I do not care if that has always been our family tradition Isabella but I just cannot go yet." Their voices had gotten louder and Horatio came to check on them. "What is going on here?" Marisol turned around. Horatio saw the tears on her face and she went directly into his waiting arms needing to be shielded and protected.

"Isabella what happened?" he needed to know why his wife was so upset. "I told her that she broke our family tradition by not accompanying us to our grandmother´s grave and that she had hurt all of us, especially our parents." He tightened his hold on Marisol and looked sternly at Isabella. "Isabella you might all be able to go but Marisol is not able to go to the grave. I am asking you to give her the time she needs to understand what happened before she goes back to the grave." Yelina came to the kitchen with little Clara-Maria and handed her to Ray when she saw which state Marisol was in. "She hurt all of us. How could you Marisol?" asked a hurt Isabella.

Yelina gently nudged Horatio and Marisol looked up to. Horatio gave her a nod and gently pushed her into Yelina´s waiting arms. Horatio leaned down so his mouth was right next to Yelina´s ear. "Make sure she gets some rest." Yelina nodded and Horatio looked Marisol. "Try to get some rest sweetheart" she shook her head no. Horatio knew that she wanted him close by, but at the moment she needed her rest. "Sweetheart let Yelina take you upstairs. Take a few minutes and try to get some rest." He cupped her cheek with his hand and she nodded into his hand and reluctantly left the kitchen without another word.

"Come on Isabella let us go back to the living-room. There is something I need to tell all of you." Isabella nodded and followed Horatio and Ray to the living-room.

"All of you have probably noticed that Marisol is having extreme problems coming to terms with the death of her grandmother Clara. She has been struggling for the last four weeks. She has hardly talked at all since it happened and she has not talked about Clara." He looked at Marisol´s family and could see the worry on their faces increasing. "She has not said one word about her. We all know that grief can be expressed in many different ways and that people react in their own way. She will talk when she is ready to talk and she will go to the grave when she is ready. Until then I would ask you to respect her decision to not visit the grave." He could see that the family was not happy but there was nothing they could do.

They continued to have their time as a family in the living-room of the Caine residence but no one could deny that there was one important person missing. It was Marisol. Yelina was trying to get Marisol to get some rest. "Marisol you need to allow you body the rest he needs. You need your strength to be able to get through this." Marisol was sitting on the edge of the bed and was holding a picture of her grandmother. She looked so lost and devastated. Yelina knew that she needed someone totally different at the moment, instead of her. She quietly left the room and went downstairs to the living-room. Horatio saw her entering the room and became worried. When she was standing right in front of him she talked to him quietly. "She does not need me at the moment. She needs her husband. Go be with her. Ray and I will take care of the guests." He nodded his thanks and went to check on his wife.

When he entered their bedroom he found her sitting on the edge of their bed holding a picture frame. He could only guess that it was a picture of her grandmother. He slowly walked over to her and sat down next to her on the bed. She put her head on his shoulder and turned her face into his chest clutching the picture to her chest. Horatio wrapped his arm around her shoulders and covered her shivering hand holding the picture, with his other hand. "I miss her so much Horatio." He voice was thin. "I know honey. Nobody can take the memories away that you have of her." "I miss all of them so much." He pulled her tighter against, when he felt her shiver again and started rocking a little with her as sobs wrecked her body.

"Sweetheart you know that there are things in this world that you cannot predict. Your great-grandparents and your grandparents were old and they have lived their life. They had happy and fulfilled lives and they were grateful. But there is a time when we have so say or farewell to the people we love." "I was not ready to say farewell yet." He gently kissed her hair and tried to soothe her. "I know Marisol. Nobody knew that it would happen." She nodded into his chest but he knew from experience that she would need time to completely understand what he had just said. By now they had been up in their bedroom for almost an hour and he knew that they would come to check on them soon.

Before he was able to warn Marisol that someone would check on them soon they heard a knock, which Horatio answered with and "enter" before the door opened and Marisol´s sister Isabelle entered. Horatio could see the shock in her eyes when she saw that Marisol was rather laying in Horatio´s arms than sitting in his arms. Her feet were dangling from the bedside but the rest of her body was lying on his lap shielded protectively by his arms. Isabella carefully entered her sister´s bedroom and walked over to the bed. She stopped right in front of it and knelt down and came face to face with Marisol. She started to understand how bad Marisol really was and from what Horatio had tried to shield her and them. He had wanted to protect her and she completely understood now. "Marisol" she quietly tried to talk to her but got no response. She looked up at Horatio with questioning eyes. "She can hear you but she is unable to answer at the moment." Isabella looked at him unsure and did not know what to do of it. "Relax she will be fine." When she looked at him she registered that he must know what was to be expected and that he knew her reactions. He knew that it would come to this and that she would be fine because it is not the first time she had something like that. She nodded in understanding at sat down across from them in the recliner.

True to his word Marisol was fine about fifteen minutes later when she slowly rose and came to a sitting position in Horatio´s arms. She was a little shocked when she saw her sisters and looked up at Horatio who looked at her and gave her a reassuring calming smile. "Everything is alright Marisol." She nodded and lingered in his embrace before pulling out of it a second later. She could see Isabella was wondering why Horatio was not asking a single question and decided to do it instead. "Are you…." Horatio knew immediately what she wanted to ask and shook his head no. Instead he asked her something "are you feeling up to joining the family again?"

Marisol looked up at him and nodded. When they had arrived back at the living-room Marisol had joined Yelina and Ray and Isabella took the time to talk to Horatio. "You were trying to protect Marisol right?" "She is fragile and is suffering badly. She was not ready to go to the grave. Not by a long shot. She started talking to me about her two days ago. Yes I wanted to protect her but I also wanted to protect you and your family because I somehow guessed that you would not know how to react to one of the episodes." She nodded and thought for a second before she continued. "Is she alright?" he shook his head no. "Isabella she hates it when people ask her if she is alright. She does not want to be treated differently."

Horatio looked at his wife before turning back to Isabella. "You know. I could saw the embarrassment in her eyes when she noticed you were there in the bedroom. She does not want anybody to know about these episodes. I think that you would do her a favor by not telling anyone about this episode." She could see that he extremely serious and knew that Marisol needed to be protected for the time being. "Alright; I will keep it to myself. I just hope that she would talk to me." Horatio could see that Isabella wanted Marisol to trust her but in that moment he had to protect his wife. "Give her time. She will come when she is ready." Isabella nodded sadly and walked over to her husband.

During the rest of the afternoon he had kept a close eye on his wife and had made sure that no one bothered her with questions. He knew better than anyone that she needs time to grieve and that she would need a lot of time for this one. He just hoped that her family would understand that and respect it.


	35. September 2008

September 2008

Marisol is living with a battered sould and Horatio knew that he had to tread carefully after their last conversation, where she was emotionally broken. She was still working through things emotionally and is grieving. Marisol and her grandmother had a very close bond and that made it even harder for her to come to terms with her death. She never lived through these things without scars. Horatio somehow knew that much my now. She always had emotional scars, sometimes even deep scars. He could see it in her eyes that she had very deep scars from Clara´s death. At the moment he had to be really patient and loving hoping to give her what she needed. What she really needs is time away from everything, just some time to come to terms and to be able to breathe again.

She would never admit it but he knew it and at the moment that was enough for him. The biggest problem would be to get her to leave the kids with Ray and Yelina. It was as good as impossible at the moment and he could not force her to leave. He would have to try to persuade her.

After the children had been put down for the night he found her on the living-room couch with a cup of tea on her lap. „Sweetheart;" she looked up at him and saw him standing next to the couch. She smiled weakly at him, before he walked passed her and sat down in the empty seat next to her. "How are you holding up?" he could see her straighten her back and shoulders and wrapped an arm around her and pulled her into him.

"Talk to me sweetheart. Tell me how you feel." She blew out every bot of her she had in her body. "Scared, worried, isolated." He was alarmed by what he heard. "Why are you scared? What are you scared of?" she breathed for a minute. „Everyone is gone. Almost everyone. Who do I have left from my family?"

„Marisol things happen and people we love pass away. The only thing we can do is remember them and never forget them. Grieving needs time and takes time. Take the time you need sweetheart." She nodded slowly letting his words sink in. „I still feel lonely and I do not know what to do about it." He nodded and already had an idea. He pulled her into him even more, trying to keep her from escaping. „Do you want to talk to Isabella?" she snuggled deeper into him. She knew that her sister had seen her in one of her terrible moments but she was still unsure if it was such a good idea. On the other hand she really missed her family, aside from Horatio and the girls. Everything was just overwhelming her and she did not know what to do. Horatio seemed to sense that and turned her so she was looking at him „ take the time you need to think about. I think it would be good for you and for her." Marisol just nodded and slowly got up from the couch. She went to the kitchen and grabed the cordless phone and dialed her sisters house.

„Hello" she heard her sister answering the phone. „Isabella it is Marisol." „Marisol." Marisol thought for a moment what to say and Isabella waited paitently. „Can you come over? Now?" she heard her sister talking to her husband and answered „sure." After Marisol ended the call she returned to the living-room and rejoined Horatio on the couch. The spend the next half hour that way until the doorbell rang. Horatio answered it and entered the living-room with Isabella. Marisol did not rise from the couch to greet her and Isabella sat down next to her in the seat that had been Horatio´s before. „I will be in the office if need me sweetheart." Marisol was thankful for Horatio´s thoughtfulness and just nodded.

Isabella waited patiently for Marisol to say something and after a few minutes Marisol got up and went to the office with Isabella a few feet behind. When she entered the office Horatio looked up surprised to see, as he thought that the two sisters would be talking in the living-room. He got up at walked to Marisol and wrapped her into a hug and looked at Isabella with questioning eyes. „She has not said one word and then went to you." He pulled back a little and looked at his wife. „Do you want me to join the two of you?" Marisol nodded yes and Horatio led her and Isabella back to the living-room where he and Marisol sat down on one of the couches and Marisol sat down on the other couch, standing in a 90 degree angle to the one Marisol was sitting on. That way Marisol was sitting between Horatio and Isabella. Marisol leaned into Horatio and tucked her legs under her. He had an arm wrapped around her.

„Why do I feel lonely Isabella?" Isabella looked at Horatio questioning who just nodded at her. „Marisol we have outlived a lot of people who we loved very much and who meant a lot to us. There time had come and it was time for them to leave. Every person works though his or her grief in a different way. Feelings of being lonely can be one of them." „Sweetheart you are not alone you have me, our daughters, your family, my brother and his family and the team. You are surrounded by a lot of people who love you and care for you."

That sent tears into Marisol´s eyes which immediately rolled down her cheeks and Isabella leaned forward and pulled her into and embrace. Marisol cried in her sister´s arms for the first time since it happened seven weeks prior. Isabella moved to sit on the arm rest of the couch where Marisol was sitting on. She was glad to be reconnected with her sister but wanted Horatio too and reached one hand out to him. He took it in his and squeezed it gently. She was still leaning against him and had a hand on her back and with the other he was now holding her hand.

When Horatio felt his wives body start to shake uncontrollably he gently pried her away from Isabella who looked at Horatio and knew exactly why he was taking her from her embrace. He pulled her into him and had her across his lap in seconds and then turned to Isabella. „She is having an episode Isabella." „I knew the moment to pried her out of my embrace. I think I should stay." She looked at Marisol and then back at Horatio who just nodded a yes at her. He too thought that it would be good if Isabella would stay.

During the whole episode Horatio rocked her back and forth, talked to her quietly and stroked her head and back trying to soothe her. It broke both Horatio´s and Isabella´s heart to see Marisol that way. The only they could do was to be there for her and to help her as good as they could. After the episode had passed Marisol did not really wake up again and instead fell asleep in Horatio´s lap. A few minutes later Horatio carried her to their bedroom, helped her change and put her in the bed and covered her and then returned to the living-room where Isabella was waiting.

"I am sorry that you could not talk more with her Isabella" she nodded and looked at Horatio. She could see that he loved Marisol very much, maybe even more then she thought, and that it was hurting him to see her that way. "Has she been that way when our other grand-parents had died?" "Yeah, pretty much the same way as now. She definitely has a hard time coping." Isabella nodded. "Horatio when our great-grandparents died she was between 13 and 20 years old. I never saw her crying when they died, except from the funerals. I am worried that the grief from losing our eight great-grandparents is now coming to the surface, too." Horatio nodded thoughtfully and knew that it was probably not quite untrue.

"Isabella a few years ago we had a conversation about you great-grandparents and how they passed away when she did not have me yet. It was an emotional conversation." Isabella knew exactly what he knew by emotional. "I have to admit that the idea, of the grief from those years coming back to the surface, has crossed my mind. I honestly do not know Isabella. We will see what the time brings and hopefully time will help her and your family." Isabella nodded and then got up and left Horatio to take care of Marisol.

When he joined her in their bed a few minutes later she was sleeping, thankfully. He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her tight against him. He heard her mutter something. "It is alright sweetheart. I am right here." She went quiet and snuggled into him completely. He was optimistic that Marisol would be better due time.


	36. November 2008

November 2008

It had been almost four months since Marisol´s grandmother Clara had passed away. Marisol still had difficulties getting passed her death. She was getting better but it was going very slowly. Both of them knew that it took time, but it took even more time if you were still somehow resisting the grief. That was something Marisol had done for almost two months. Horatio knew that she had lost 4 grand-parents in 5 years and that she was still struggling with all their deaths.

No matter how many years have passed it still hard for her to talk about her grand-parents. It was even still hard for her to talk about her great-grandparents who had died a long time ago, between 1991 and 1998. She probably had never really grieved their deaths, something her sister Isabella had assumed some time ago. She was presumably right and that meant the hard end would probably come some day and hit her full force.

To help her heal at least a little bit, he had organized for them to go away over the weekend to just have some time alone as a couple and to give them time to talk. Because Isabella had three children, Sophia, Carlos and Maria and Dolores also had three children Victoria, Carmen and Antonio they could not leave the kids there.

Calleigh and Eric had four children, Rose, Chloé, Grace and Pavel and had even less space. The only other option they had was Ray, who himself had three children, Raymond jr., Matthew and little Chloe. Ray and Yelina had no problem with having the children over and so it was settled. Now he just had to break the news to his wife.

When he returned home in the evening he arrived at the same time she did and she was surprised that the children were not with him."Sweetheart I will explain everything inside. I promise."

When they were seated in the living-room he explained everything to her. "Why Horatio?" He took her hand in his and looked at her. "You have lived through so much during the past months and it has been a long time since we had time to ourselves. Just the two of us, Marisol. Please sweetheart. We need this. You need this." He was begging her to understand that she needed it and that it would be good for both of them. She got up and started walking up and down in the living-room. "Where are we going Horatio?" He looked at her and could read her unanswered question.

"The girls will be with Ray and we are going to a secluded beach house. It will be secluded and only Ray and Yelina know where to find us." He walked up to her and pulled her into his arms. "You have nothing to worry about. You will be safe." She knew that Horatio meant that emotionally speaking but also physically. He knew that she had also tried very hard to make this whole thing easier on their daughters because they had loved their great-grandmother Clare very much and she hardly thought about herself. Instead she had thought about her mother, their daughters and about her family.

"I will go with you, but I want you to promise me that there will be no dead people and not tragedy." He pushed her back a little and looked directly into her eyes. "Sweetheart I promise you that there will be no dead people and no tragedy. We will enjoy our time together and try to relax. We will return on Sunday evening, so we have three nights and three days. Our things are already in my car. Are you ready?" she just nodded and he led her to the car, grabbing her purse and jacket on the way out.

During the drive to the beach house he had rented she was quiet and after a while she drifted off to sleep. He knew that he had to find out if his and Isabella´s suspicion, that the grief she had buried for ten to 18 years and returned, because she had never grieved. Yes it was supposed to be a relaxing weekend, but he also wanted to know who her great-grandparents were, as she had never really talked about them. At the beach house he had, someone set up a nice dinner for the two of them, something she did not know about.

When they arrived he carefully woke her up. They brought their things into the house. "It is beautiful Horatio." "I am glad you like it. You deserve it." They packed their things away and then walked back to the living-room. Horatio led her to the porch. "Where are we going?" "It is a surprise." She saw it a minute later when they walked to the beach. "Horatio, how did you do that?" "I organized it. I wanted us to have a date with a nice romantic dinner together. We haven´t had that in a long time, and we need." He led her to the table, helped her to her chair and sat down himself and then they ate their dinner.

They were sitting on the recliner on the porch some time later with Marisol snuggled into Horatio´s side, and both of them covered with a blanket."Marisol there are things we never talk about with each other." She looked up at him, "like what?" He ran his hands up and down her back seeing her unsure and insecure look. There it was again her insecurity. "Things, that happened in our past. Like my parents, my grand-parents, your great-grandparents, my time in New York." "What are you saying Horatio?" he could hear fear in her voice and some of it was also written across her face."

"Sweetheart, we have been married for six years, we have three beautiful daughters, and we survived so much together but we hardly talked about each other´s past. You know who my parents were. You know almost everything there is to say about them. Well you do not know much about my time in New York or about my grand-parents, but I sometimes have the feeling, that you are trying to deny your past and the things that happened. Sweetheart I can feel it in your body sometimes. I can sometimes literally feel the emotions and feelings you are trying to deny and ignore."

She looked at him fearful and got up from the recliner. "Horatio those things were a long time ago and there is no purpose in bringing them up again. I buried my great-grandparents and lived past it. It is over." He knew she was lying to herself and he could see it in her eyes. He could see the pain, the grief, the fear and the hurt in her eyes and knew that she did not want to talk about it. She is scared of the feelings that are going to come up when she talks about these things.

"It cannot hurt to talk about it." "Are you crazy?" she all but shouted. She was pacing the porch back and forth and he knew that she was somehow relieving the emotions she had buried deep down for a very long time. When she stopped at the stairs leading to the beach with her arms wrapped around herself and her back to him he knew that he had to act. He stood up and walked to her and stopped right behind her. "Marisol" he said in his softest and most gentle voice. "Please talk to me." "I cannot, Horatio. Please." When she was about to take a step down the stairs leading to the beach, he gently but purposefully grabbed her arms and held her back and turned her around to face him.

He looked deep into her eyes, and he could see fear, pain, hurt, insecurity and grief screaming at him. He could easily see how deep those emotions were running and she was still trying to put on a straight face and was still trying to ignore everything. "Please do not run and hide from, me." She looked at him pleading to let her go. "Horatio this is useless. Drop it." She said in a pretty agitated voice.

He wrapped his second arm around her to keep her from escaping. He immediately could see the change in her face when he wrapped his arm around her. With a little force he led her back to the recliner and pulled her down with him. She was still fighting him, but after he moved his hands up and down her back a while she slowly relaxed under his hands.

After a few minutes she started talking. "What do you want me to say Horatio?" "What do you want to say sweetheart?" he waited a minutes for her to answer. "I do not want to talk about it at all. I just want to relax with you." He had expected her to resist his attempts but he had not really expected her to block everything of that bad. He kissed her head. "Marisol I just want to help you. It is clear that you have emotions deep inside, which you have never dealt with. I can feel it in your body right now that you are battling these emotions at the moment. Please sweetheart let me help you."


	37. November 2008 01

November 2008

She snaked her hand out under the blanket and tried to reach for her still full wine glass. Horatio gave it to her knowing that she might need it as an encouragement. She took a long sip of it and then gave it back to Horatio.

„I do not want to talk about things that happened a long time ago and I do not want those emotions coming back. They were bad enough back then, but now. Can´t we talk about something else?" she was trying to escape. Both of them knew it, but he would not let her suffer because of buried feelings and emotions. That was not going to happen. It was still pretty early and they still had a few hours to talk and they would.

"Sweetheart, please do not try to change the subject." She hit his chest with her fist and then continued staring at the beach. He decided to try it and to be bold. He picked one of her great-grandparents. "Marisol, how about you tell me about you great-grandfather Eric. How was he? What was he like?" He could feel her tense in his arms and knew immediately that he had hit a sensitive spot.

"Horatio please, do not make me, do this." He moved her so that he was looking directly into her eyes. "Yes we are Marisol." Marisol was surprised at his strong voice which held a little authority in it. It did not scare her but it surprised her. She knew that she could not really argue with Horatio when he used that voice. He saw that she was surprised at his voice but he needed her to let the emotions out and he needed to know why he saw fear in her eyes.

He then used the voice again, he only used with her and the children. "Sweetheart what are you afraid of?" he could the surprise in her eyes. "I do not want to go back to those years of my childhood and youth. Those years are in the past." He shook his head. "You are afraid of those feelings and of those memories." She was shocked that he said it out loud and that it was true.

"I know that you trust me. Can you trust me enough to tell me about Eric?" she nodded. Four hours after they left Miami and 4 pm she was finally willing to talk to him. He just hoped that it would not be this hard every time.

"He was a Cuban man, who came to the states with his wife Marisol and my grand-parents Jaime and Maria and my parents. He loved smoking Cuban cigars and loved to watch us play. He told us stories about Cuba and the time when grew up and lived in Cuba. He was a funny guy and always told funny stories." The emotions were clogging her throat. Horatio tightened his embrace on her and kissed her temple. He kept quiet knowing that she needed to do this at her pace.

"We all loved his stories. Eric was a teacher in Cuba. He always wanted to take us to Cuba so that we would know where our family came from, but with Castro it was too dangerous. He told us about the beautiful Landscapes and how I looked almost like" she broke off because the emotions got too much of her. Horatio felt his shirt getting damp and stroked her back. "Then one day, when I was 16 I came home from School and my parents were wearing black. Isabella then told me what happened. He died peacefully during his sleep when he was 95 years old."

The emotions really got the better of her and she sobbed uncontrollably into his chest. Horatio just held her and allowed her to get part of her grief of her chest.

After she had calmed down he carried her to the bed in the master bedroom and lay down with her, surrounding her with his arms, legs and the blanket, trying to keep her warm and protected. "I am grateful that you told me about Eric." She nodded against his chest. I am just glad that I do not have to do this alone." He made her look at him. "You will never have to do something alone again." He kissed her and them heard her breathing evening out." He knew she must have fallen asleep and was glad because she needs her sleep and her rest.


	38. November 2008 02

November 2008

The next morning he woke up to an empty bed. He found Marisol in the recliner on the porch covered with a blanket. He made two cups of tea and joined her. He stopped in front of her. "Good morning Marisol." She looked up and smiled at him. He leaned down and kissed her temple. He sat down on the table next to her. "When did you come out here?" she shrugged with her shoulders. "Maybe an hour ago." He just nodded.

"You it is funny. I always promised myself that I would never talk about my great-grandparents again and live for the future, you know never looking back. Yesterday you forced me to confront my feelings about Eric. I was scared to talk about it and I still am, but still…." He waited for her to continue, when she did not continue he spoke. "But still what, sweetheart?"

"But still. I do not know. It somehow felt good to talk about, it." She sat up and reached her hand out to Horatio who gladly took her hand in his. "I do not think that I could have done that without you Horatio." Marisol looked at him while saying that and he could clearly see the honesty in her eyes. She really meant it that he was the only one with whom she could do that.

He also saw the sadness in her eyes. He leaned forward and gently kissed her. "I am proud of you Marisol. "Are you ready for breakfast?" she nodded but stayed seated, knowing he would take care of everything.

After eating breakfast on the porch Horatio thought it might be good to change the scenery. "Sweetheart what do you think about a walk on the beach?" he looked at her and she could see his hopeful eyes, but also knew that he would not go if she really did not want to.

"I think it would be nice, since it is a beautiful morning." After they put on their jackets and closed the doors they walked down the stairs to the beach and he could see how Marisol immediately changed. She was a totally different person when she was at the beach. She looked content, happy but also a little sad. She was probably thinking about her family that came over the water from Cuba to escape from Castro.

When they reached the water she stopped and just looked at the water. "What are you thinking Marisol?" she looked at him and then looked back at the water. "Our conversation yesterday evening brought back a lot of memories, that´s all." He somehow sensed that it was more them memories, probably emotions, too.

Horatio promised himself that he would talk more about it with her. She deserved to be happy and it was more than time to work through these old feelings. They continued their walk along the beach and returned home in the middle of the morning. Marisol seemed to be completely content and he could not even see sadness in her eyes at the moment. She was smiling and he loved it.

She returned to the recliner and continued writing something. Horatio sat down in the chair next to her with a cup of tea and watched for a while. She looked so happy and he did not want to destroy it, but he also knew that buried grief could come back to haunt her and to make her sick and he did not want that to happen. She needed to talk about it, even if she did not realize it yet. It was Friday so they still hat at least two days before they had to go back. He slowly got up and knelt down at his wife´s side.

Marisol looked up from her writing and looked at him. "What is it Horatio?" he just held his hand out for her which she gladly took and put away her writing. He helped her up from the recliner and led her to the beach, once again. "Why are we down here Horatio?" "Because of you. You need to be down here." She was not sure what he was talking about but she trusted him. He stood behind her with his arms wrapped around her waist holding her tightly to him. His chin was resting on her head and his hands were running soothing circles on her stomach.

After a few minutes of standing on the beach she finally started talking. "Marisol was Eric´s big love. They loved each other so much. Eric was broken when she died in 1991 with 89. She fell asleep during her afternoon nap. She taught me the Cuban church song, they played at our wedding. We visited them and our other great-grandparents a lot. We spend a lot of time with them. She was even happier when my parents decided to name me after her. It was an honor for her.

She loved to sow and to do gardening work. She liked being a house wife and loved entertaining her grandson and her great-grandchildren. She tried to teach us about gardening and sowing. She had gardening in common with my other great-grandmothers.

Marisol once told me how she and Eric arrived in America with Juan, Dolores, Pablo, Clorindha, Nicholas and Isabella, my grand-parents Pavel, Maria, Pablo, Clara and my parents Pavel and Clorindha with Isabella and Dolores. They all arrived together in 1973.

I know that they arrived at the beach were the bombs exploded with the Cuban Immigrant who was supposed to play in the MLB." He knew which beach she was talking about.

"She wanted to be at my second holy communion, but she died in November of 1991, without being able to attend." She turned around and looked at Horatio with tears running down her face. "She bought me the dress. She wanted me to wear it. I wore it but…" she borrowed into Horatio´s chest with his arms holding her tightly.

When she had calmed down she turned her head a little resting her cheek against his chest, so she could look at the water. While she was watching the water and catching her bearings he breathed deeply. She still had a lot ahead of her.

"Sometime later Marisol looked up at Horatio and studied him while he smiled down at her. How come you know how to get me to talk about the things I do not want to talk about?" he smiled. "I know you. Mari we have been married for six years. It is my job to know you. I am sorry but you need to get it of your chest before it makes you sick." He gently put a strand of hair behind her ear kissed her forehead.

"I do not want it making you sick. You buried the grief long enough. You never talked about, not even with you family. Let me in completely." She hid her face in his chest again and accepted his embrace and his hold.


	39. November 2008 03

November 2008

After a long, time that felt like hours, but were probably not more than 15 Minutes she looked up at him and said "alright." That was all he needed to hear, to know that she would tell him everything in time, but she would tell him all of it.

She moved out of his embrace and linked her arm with his. Together they walked along the beach in the opposite direction, from the way they went earlier. He watched her closely looking for any signs of distress. "Sweetheart, take your time."

Horatio waited patiently for her to talk. "Juan and Dolores had known each other since they were children. They grew up next to each other and it was always pretty clear that they would marry. They married and had a daughter, Grandma Maria. Juan was a farmer and also had a market stand to sell his goods. Dolores took care of the house and of their daughter. Maria loved gardening a lot, too.

They both did not like Castro and came to America with the rest of the family in 1973. Both died peacefully in their sleeps. Juan died in February of 1992 with 91, and Dolores died in Mai of 1996 with 92. They always took us to the local market in our part of town and Juan always taught me the vegetables. He was a vegetable farmer. In his late days Juan loved to drink a bit too much and Dolores tried to ignore it. I mean even I could not ignore it. I was 14 and 18 when they died. How could she ignore it?"

She stopped and made Horatio look at her. "Promise me that you will never drink too much constantly so that I have to be worried." He cupped her cheek. "I promise Marisol. That will never happen." He kissed her lightly but it turned into a heated kiss with him feeling Marisol´s fear again. He pulled back and looked at her intently. "You were afraid of Juan when he drank too much, right?"

"He was mean when he drank too much. I admit that it scared me. I did not like it when he drank that much. I did not know how to react in the right way when he was that way. In his late years these days become more frequently and I spent lesser time with him. He was found with an alcohol glass in his hand." The tears were starting to run down her checks.

"Dolores did not wake up in the morning and my mother found her when she wanted to visit her." She turned to the water and let go of him. He knew that she was crying from the way her shoulders were moving and the way she had her arms wrapped around herself.

He walked around her and blocked her view at the ocean looking right at her. He opened his arms and she fell right into them. She clutched his shirt and sobbed all the grief out she had for Eric, Marisol, Juan and Dolores. Grief she had buried for a long time and had never confronted. "Oh god," she said between sobs and could barely hold herself upright, without Horatio´s arms around her.

When her tears slowed down he settled them on a little hill at the side of the beach looking over the water. He settled her between his legs holding her comfortable against his chest. "What are you thinking?" she shook her head trying to dismiss him, but she knew how stubborn he was. He gently turned her face so she was looking at him. "What is it?" she leaned against his chin absorbing the warmth and strength from his body.

"All my grandmothers loved gardening. Marisol taught me how to sow, Eric loved Cigars, Juan loved to drink and taught us all the vegetables and Dolores loved being a housewife, mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. She helped us with our homework." "They were very important to you. No one can take away those memories you have of them. You will always have them.

"What if one day, I will like cigars or drink too much or do things my other great-grandparents loved to do. I could put our children and you in danger." He was not that surprised to hear something like that from his wife, as she was very insecure and had always been.

He pulled her tighter against his chest. "Marisol you are a good mother and a good wife. Now look at me." She slowly looked up at him unsure what to expect. "You are very conscious on what you eat or not. There is no danger of you drinking or smoking. I know you sweetheart. You will be alright."

She leaned her forehead against his chin and let a few tears flow. Horatio noticed it and pulled back a little. "It is alright." He kissed her and then stood up helping her up after and then led her back to the beach house, where he prepared their lunch, which they ate on the porch.


	40. November 2008 04

November 2008

After their conversations at the beach, he knew that it would do her some good, to just have a relaxing afternoon without any grief and sad memories.

While she enjoyed the view on the beach he went upstairs to the bathroom and made a bath for her. He then returned to the porch and joined her. She knew right away that he had something planed. "What have you planned Horatio?" he smiled at her. He took her hand and led her into the house, into the bedroom and then into the bathroom. When she saw what he had prepared she gasped. "Why?" "'There is no special reason Marisol. You deserve it and you need to relax sweetheart."

She turned around and looked at him with thankful eyes. "Are you going to join me?" he shook his head no. "I am not. You need to rest and have a good time. I will be here if you need me. You just have to call." He was worried when he saw tears in her eyes.

"What is wrong Marisol?" "I do not deserve this. I mean you wanted us to have a weekend for ourselves and enjoy our time." He wrapped his arms around her. "We are enjoying our time sweetheart." "No. I mean we are only talking about my family, I have been crying in your arms since we arrived. How are you enjoying this?" he wiped away the tears on her cheeks with his thumbs.

"Marisol. I am not enjoying this. But you need this of your chest before it hurts you. It is our weekend. And if this weekend helps you to start working through the buried and denied grief you have and allows you to be more relaxed, then so be it."

He lightly kissed and then pulled back. "Now enjoy your bath. I will see you later." With that he left and left Marisol alone with her thoughts.

While she was taking her bath Horatio was sitting in the living-room and was thinking about Marisol. She was still very insecure and sensitive. She was scared that she might have or has one of her ancestor's bad habits. Marisol deserved to be happy and she is a good mother, wife and lawyer. She just has to trust herself enough. He knew that she needed to learn to trust herself.

Meanwhile in the bathroom: Marisol was bathing and was letting thoughts wander. She was thinking about a lot of things. About her daughters, about her wonderful husband Horatio, about her family, her grandparents and great-grandparents. About all the things she had experienced with her grandparents and great-grandparents and how they had inspired her. She thought about the way Horatio had done everything to protect her when she had cancer, so that nobody would find out. He had done everything he could to fulfill her wish that no one finds out and protected her from everyone they knew.

Horatio had done everything to take her doubts away that she would not die of cancer and leave her daughters, and helped her cope after the kitchen burned and when her parents pressured her to get pregnant. All those feelings, emotions and thoughts made her tear up and suddenly she felt them roll down her cheeks. She could only pray that her husband would not find her in this state.

A few minutes later Horatio walked back into the bathroom, starting to get worried, because she had been in there over on hour now. When he saw her he was worried. She had tear stains on her face. He knelt down next to the bathtub and gently took her hand in his. "What is on your mind Marisol?"

"It is just…." She looked at him not knowing how to say it. "Come on let´s get you out of the water. It is cold now." She nodded and he helped her out and wrapped her in a towel. He then let her get dressed knowing that he would have to find out what was wrong with his wife and what happened in the bathroom.

When she entered the kitchen a few minutes later she almost looked normal again. Only almost, he could still see the slight difference in her face. He had made a tea for her and she followed him into the living-room where they sat down on the couch together. Marisol had her tea in her hand leaning against Horatio with his arm wrapped around her.

"What happened while you were in the tub?" she knew that he had seen the tear stains so she could not really say that she was surprised. "Nothing" she turned a little to look at him "really Horatio." She was being honest at least from her view but Horatio knew that he saw the tear stains and he wanted to know why she had been crying.

"I know what I saw sweetheart. You have been crying. Why?" she nodded, knowing that it was useless to deny it any further. "I was thinking about our life, about everything, actually. About the things my parents, grandparents and great-grandparents taught me, about you and our daughter." He was gently stroking her shoulder while his other hand was holding her hand.

"I remembered how you fought for me. You kept your promise and made sure nobody found out about the cancer and made sure I believed that I would not die and leave our daughters alone. You told everyone I was fine, just so they would not bother me. You were there after the kitchen fire. When mama wanted a grandchild from me you were my barrier between me and them.

You went to every funeral with me defended my against my family after Clara died when I was not ready to visit the grave

All these things made me cry because I saw all these things in front of me how much you have done for me and I hardly did everything for you."

He kissed her lightly wanting to make sure she did not talk again. "You did a lot for me. Marisol you gave me three beautiful daughters and you survived. Sweetheart you gave me enough. Now stop dwelling on it." "But I never…" Horatio leaned forward again and silenced her effectively with a kiss. When they both needed air he pulled back and looked into her flushed face. He sat back and pulled her into him cuddling her into his side.

"Horatio I never did anything like the things you did for me. You did so much, and I hardly did anything except giving you three daughters. Horatio you fought so hard for me and I?" He trapped her against his chest, when she would have left and made her look at him. "You did the things that were necessary and gave me three beautiful daughters. I did what I had to do to give you the life you deserved. When we married I gave you the promise to protect you and take care of you. That is what I am doing."

She nodded against his chest and just rested against him knowing that it was useless to fight with him.


	41. November 2008 05

November 2008

Horatio knew that his wife was emotionally drained. He knew that it was somehow expected. She was at the edge of the cliff emotionally speaking and he sure as hell did not like it. He hated to see his beautiful wife that way. She was still denying emotions and it was hurting her deeply even if she did not want to admit it.

He had promised himself that he would not let her suffer because of these emotions. He would do anything if it meant taking the pain away from her. She did not deserve to suffer that way. He was still in his thoughts when he saw her enter the kitchen after taking a few minutes to be alone. She looked exhausted with tear stains on her face. She walked right into his waiting arms. She snuggled into his chest trying to relax.

After a while he heard her speaking. "Are you going to ask more questions today?" her voice sounded thin and fragile and he hated it with a passion. He leaned back a little and made her look at him. "Marisol I would really like for you to talk about those feelings, but…" "no no not today, please." He could see the tears forming in her eyes and knew that she finished with answering questions today. "Alright. No more today honey." She nodded her head and leaned against his chest again.

During the afternoon she enjoyed sitting on the porch just trying to relax. No kids running around keeping her active. She loved her daughters and missed them badly but a weekend just with Horatio was good, too. That is how Horatio found a little while later. "Sweetheart?" she looked up and smiled at him as a put a glass of ice tea on the table for her. He had to admit that she looked better. He sat down on the other chair next to her. He watched her carefully for any signs of discomfort but she definitely looked content.

Sometime after midnight he woke up to find her side of the bed empty. He was surprised that she was not in bed. It worried him a little. He put on his robe and went in search of her. He did not find her in the house but when he opened the door to the porch he found her in the chair she had sat in earlier. "Marisol?" she turned around surprised to see him standing in the door. "What are you doing out here?" she worried her lower lip before answering. "I am thinking. Go back to bed you do not have to be awake with me."

He knelt down next to her and took her hand in his. "Now that I am awake I will stay here with you. You don´t have your fight demons on your own sweetheart." She did not answer right away so he sat down on the chair next to her. He watched her covered with the blanket and hoped that she would talk to him.

He was actually shocked when he heard her talking again. "No you know the story of my father´s grandparents. You have dug up enough old and painful memories. It has to stop now Horatio. We are never going to talk about them again." With that she got up and went inside leaving him on the deck. He wondered what had happened to make her talk this way. Marisol had never talked like that before. When he followed her a few minutes later he found her in their bed again. He joined her and gently took her hand in his.

"What are you scared of Marisol. What has you running from your mother´s grand-parents?" she pulled her hand away from his and moved on her side where she rolled up trying to shield her. "I told you that we would never talk about them. The memory lane is closed. End of story." She covered herself with the sheet and hoped that he would respect her wish.

When he got up the next morning he was surprised to find his wife totally closed up and already in the kitchen. "Good morning Horatio she said when she saw him entering. Have you called the girls?" she asked while preparing the eggs. "No. They are with Ray and Yelina. They will be alright." She grabbed her cell phone and called Yelina as an answer to his no." he did not know what to think of that.

After she had called Yelina and after breakfast he wanted to ask Marisol what happened. When he found her on the porch she was reading her book. He sat down next to her and sighed deeply. "Marisol what happened yesterday? What made you close off during the night?" "I told you from the word go that I did not want to talk. You made me talk but it ends now. You did not want to listen to my wishes." She continued to read her book. He noticed that her face was set which meant that she would probably not change her mind at the moment. He was worried because she seemed to deny the memories and the feelings.

He knelt down next to her and covered her arm with his hand. She looked up from her book. "Marisol you know that I do not want to hurt you. I want to help you." "You want to help me?" she asked angry and he nodded in response. "I you really want to help me then do not ever bring them up again." By now she was standing at the edge of the porch with her arms wrapped around her. He knew he should not push her but he needed to find out what had happened.

He wrapped his arms around her from behind surprising her. She tried to fight against him but he would not let her holding onto her tightly. After a few minutes her body was shaking from sobs. He turned her around quickly and held her against his chest. Running his hands up and down her back, hoping to soothe her Horatio waited patiently for her to calm down and for her to talk to him.

When she had calmed down he loosened his hold on her still waiting for an explanation. She looked up at him and knew that it would be useless to tell him that everything is alright. She sighed deeply and hid her face in his chest again. "You already know that all of my eight great-grandparents arrived in the states together with my all of my grandparents, my parents and my sisters. 16 people all together. You also know that Eric and I were born here." He nodded against her head.

"My mother´s grandparents were not easy. They missed Cuba pretty much. Pablo, Clorindha, Nicolas and Isabella had known each other since they were children. They were all from the same village. Just like Juan and Dolores and known each other since they were children.

After arriving in the states Pablo turned into an angry man. He was angry that he was not able to stay in Cuba with his family. The older he got the worse it got. He also told us that he would die in Cuba. When he died in 1998 we all knew that his had not come true. My mother was devastated and so was his son, my grandfather Pablo. He was not only angry but also depressive because he had never been able to return to his home country. When we were children we sometimes feared him because you never knew when he would explode. But no matter how much he exploded I always loved him because he could tell wonderful stories from back home.


	42. November 2008 06

"Clorindha just endured what his nature. She loved us, her gardening and her family that helped her to survive him. She died in 1995 and he followed her 3 years later. She had been close to my other great-grandparents and they had become friends over the years. She was especially close to Isabella and Nicolas.

She, Isabella, Marisol and Dolores would meet and get together to sow or to talk about cooking or gardening ideas. Nicolas and Isabella were the perfect couple. She stayed at home, took care of everything, tended to her hobbies while he went to work. All of my great-grandfather worked in the states to support their families. Nicolas built furniture like it is built in Cuba and sold it. He did it until he died in 1997. He had buried Isabella in 1993."

She had left his arms after telling him about her mother´s grandparents. She had fled to the beach. He was not able to see her anymore and knew that she needed time. He had pushed her to talk about it and somehow knew that it cave been too much for her but he had needed to know. He knew that she needed time after everything she had revealed this weekend.

He was watching the ocean from the porch when she came back after being gone for hours. She walked up the stairs and went right inside. He was glad that she was back but he did not like her behavior. She had not acknowledged him with one word. That was weird and not her normal behavior. He waited a minute before he followed her only to find her resting on their bed. She looked exhausted as far as he could tell.

He was not really surprised. The weekend had been emotionally draining so far. He carefully sat down on the edge of the bed. "Marisol" he said quietly. He did not receive and answer.

Why can´t he just give her some time alone and some peace? She was doing her best to ignore him at the moment, because she was not ready to face him yet. She hoped that he would get up and would leave her alone. She knew that she would have to talk to him but she was not ready to face him yet.

She felt how he got up and walked around the bed and knelt down in front of her. He was looking right into her eyes with his caring eyes. She looked straight at him hoping that he would leave. "Are you alright?" she blinked once but aside from that she gave him no idea that she had heard him. He sighed deeply as he saw that it was useless to talk to her at the moment. "I will be downstairs if you need me" with that he got up and left the room, closing the door behind him.

When she knew for sure that she was alone and that he was back downstairs she moved under the covers and let her emotions go. All the old pictures of her great-grandparents were back. All the good, and the bad memories. Everything they had taught her. All the happy and sad, memories. How they taught her to take care of plants, to sow; she had to smile at the memories. She was happy during those days and she had to admit that she was also happy with Horatio. She was still a little hurt, that he had not respected her wish. She was by now crying without being able to stop and she knew that Horatio could check on her every minute. He would know when she had been crying and she did not want him to see it. She quickly got up and went to the bathroom to get cleaned up before she went downstairs.

She saw Horatio sitting on the porch when she came down a few minutes later. She knew that it was now or never. She walked onto the porch and sat down in the chair she had been using the whole weekend. She took her book and opened it to continue reading. Sitting on the chair lightly covered by the blanket and reading her book was what she needed at the moment. She could only hope that Horatio would respect that. He watched her for a while trying to figure out what was going on in her head. He had seen the dried tear stains but had not said something right away. He had let her cool down and decompress for a while first before he talked to her.

His mind was made up. He needed to make sure that his wife was alright, and he would. He got up and knelt down next to her chair. He successfully took the book from her making her look at him. "Horatio!" she exclaimed. She knew that face. He always wore it when he wanted to find something out at a crime scene or when he was talking with crime victims. "Sweetheart; How are you really feeling?" she looked down and her hands and measured her words before she spoke them. "Hurt, violated, sad, confused." "Why?" she sighed. "You hurt me deeply by forcing me to talk about things I never wanted to talk about again. You violated my wishes." He could see the hurt and the pain in her eyes.

"I wanted to help you. You trust me Marisol. You know that I would never hurt you intentionally" she looked up shocked. She would have signed that statement before this weekend but now? "I trusted you Horatio. Well then what do you call what you did this weekend Horatio? You still say that you never hurt me intentionally?" he was about to answer when she stopped him. "Do not answer. I do not want to hear anything at the moment." With that she grabbed her book and continued to read.

She continued to read and tried to cool down before she would do something that she might regret. She still loved Horatio deeply. But he had hurt her deeply. He violated her by going against her wishes and by forcing her to talk. He had promised to never hurt her intentionally and now he had done exactly that. He had broken that promise this weekend. She had always thought that Horatio was true to his word. She got up and went inside to retrieve her phone. She knew that she needed to talk to someone. She called Yelina and asked her to come. She and Ray were the only one that knew where they were.

When Yelina arrived about two hours later Horatio was surprised to see her. "Yelina" he said when he opened the door for her. "What are you doing here?" "Marisol asked me to come because she needs to talk." Horatio nodded and lead her to the porch where Marisol was still reading. "Marisol?" she looked up immediately. "Yelina" She got up to greet her. "Do you mind joining me for a walk?" She looked at Horatio before answering "no."

On the beach

"What happened Marisol?" Marisol looked at the water before answering.

"He hurt and violated me Yelina." Yelina was shocked because she had been sure that Horatio would never hurt a woman in anyway. Not after what his father had done to him, Ray and their mother.

"What did he do Marisol?"

"I trusted him with everything I had. He promised that he would always respect my wished and that he would never hurt me. He wanted this weekend for us. I agreed. As soon as we arrived he wanted to talk to me about my great-grandparents. I told him that I did not want to talk about it. He did not let my escape Yelina. He forced me."

Yelina sighed deeply. Horatio had never forced someone to talk before. "I told him some of it on my own free will because I did not have the strength to fight against him anymore. He wore my down. I had never expected him to do something like that."

"Marisol what do you want to do now?" "I still love him Yelina." She nodded seeing that Marisol was in a difficult situation.

By now they had reached the house again. "Go inside and I will talk to him." Marisol nodded and walked passed Horatio without a word. Yelina sat down next to Horatio on the porch. "Is she alright Yelina?" Yelina looked at him and sighed deeply. "Horatio I never expected her to tell me what she just told me." He looked at her alarmed.

"She trusted your promise to never hurt her intentionally no matter what way." He nodded. "Horatio she feels hurt and violated." "Yelina I never…" she nodded and knew that he was talking about sexual violence.

"You made her talk about her great-grandparents. Even when she said no, you would not stop. You just kept on pushing without allowing her to escape." "She said that?" Yelina looked at him and nodded. "She also said that she told you some on it on her own will because she was tired of fighting against you and that you had worn her down. She told you because she wanted you to stop hurting her."

Horatio got up. "I never wanted to hurt her Yelina. I wanted to help her." "I know Horatio" she said knowing that it was the truth. "You should have respected her wish when she said no and did not want to talk about." He nodded. He loved her and had never wanted to hurt her. He only wanted to hurt her and now he was sitting on the porch talking to his sister-in-law about his marriage.

"What do I do Yelina?" she sighed knowing that it would not be easy. "It is not going to be easy. She loves you. She admitted it earlier. Listen to her and when she says no or when she hesitates stop and do not push her. She needs to see that it was a onetime thing that you went against her wishes and hurt her that deeply by not respecting her opinion and her memories." He nodded knowing that she was right. He just hoped that they would be alright again and that she would forgive him and that she would trust him again completely, soon.


	43. November 2008 07

Horatio knew that the rest of the weekend would be pretty tense. He wanted her to be happy and without pain lingering in the depths. Unfortunately she was hurt by his intentions and actions. She had talked about them and he was glad about it. She had let the emotions out. But now she was having other emotions that he did not like. She was hurt and felt violated because of him.

He found her on the porch after preparing dinner. He had to make amends to his wife and he knew it. He walked to the steps and turned around to look at her. "Marisol" he waited for her to look up before he continued. "I never wanted to be a husband who hurt his wife and his family." She could see the guilt returning in his eyes and she saw the haunted look. He was haunted by what his father did. She nodded knowing that he wanted her to understand. "I wanted to help you carry the weight. I did not want you to suffer. Seeing you in pain hurts me, too."

She nodded and got up to stand next to him. "Horatio I have always been grateful to have a husband like you, and I am still grateful. I have always dreamed of a man who is understanding, loving, caring and fair. Who would never degrade me and who would treat me like I was equal to him. You did and do that and I am thankful for that. You have done so much for me in the past years." She looked at needing to know that he understood her.

"I do not want to be mad at you but I…" she closed her eyes gathering her thoughts. "It just hurt me, even though I know that your intentions were only good. I have always been scared of getting hurt and now…" "I did exactly that Marisol" she nodded. He sighed deeply but he also knew that she was still caring a lot of hurt inside her.

"I am going to need time to understand everything that happened completely but I want you to know that I am not mad at you. I am scared." She saw that fear on his face. "I am not scared by you or afraid of you. No. I am afraid of the memories." He nodded and looked relieved. She slowly walked towards him and stopped right in front of him. She put her hand on his chest. "I still am confused and I still am hurt and I am still sad but I should have never said that I feel violated. You never violated me physically, sexually or emotionally and we both know that." "You spoke out of hurt sweetheart." She nodded and looked at her hand on his chest before she looked up at him again.

"You are going to have to give me time to get past it and I need you to help me." He saw the question in her eyes. "Of course I will help you Marisol." She smiled relieved "good." "I never meant to hurt you." She nodded and leaned against his chest tucking her head under his chest. She looked at him again. "I never meant to yell at you and to through those words at you, because I know that you would never hurt me intentionally. I just wanted to….." "To protect the memories." She smiled and put her face on his chest again.

After a few minutes he carefully snaked his arms around his wife´s body and was happy when she accepted it. He held her tight and was content that she was giving him a chance to make things right. When he suddenly felt his shirt get damp he knew that she was officially starting to grieve. She clung to him with everything she had. He held her tightly and a minute later he carefully carried her to one of the lounge chairs and sat down with her and held her while she sobbed and cried.

When she had calmed down a little, she pulled back to look at him. "My great-grandparents were everything to me. I grew up with them around all the time. We stayed with them when my parents were working, we spend the weekends with them and I normally saw them every day. I spent my vacations with them and I enjoyed it." He could see the smile creeping into his wife´s face. She must have been happy with them and loved them very much.

She leaned back against his chest. "They always told me to make sure that I would marry a good guy and I have. I have married the best husband I go wish for. I remember how all of great-grandparents used to sit together. They were friends and lived on the same street next to and across from each other. I remember how they started sending me away when I visited them and they were all sitting together. I did not understand why but later I understood. After my second communion I opened the present my great-grandparents had made for me. It was a photo album of their lives. Each of us got one for their second communion. They also have me two other presents but that one was the most important one. My great-grandmothers gave of a homemade cooking book with their Cuban recipes and my great-grandfathers gave me two CD`s of the Cuban music they always played together." Horatio nodded understanding her connection to her great-grandparents better now.

Their dinner was probably cold by now but that was alright with him. At least she was talking and they were getting closer again after the past hours of emotional turmoil and Marisol´s escape. They could always reheat their dinner. At the moment they both seemed content on just sitting on the porch together


	44. December 2008

After having returned from their weekend Marisol was still not the way he wanted her to be but she was better. Horatio was going to take what he could get at the moment. In his opinion he still had to make up for hurting her. Even if it was better that she later talked about the things he still somehow saw it as hurting her, or at least that is what she saw it as. She was dedicating a lot of her time to their daughters but she was also looking for the comfort he could give her. When he walked into his office after returning from the AV Lab he was actually surprised to his wife there. Marisol rarely came to the Lab wanting to keep their private life seperate. "Marisol!" she turned around to look at him. She looked beautiful to him. "Hey!" he stopped right in front of her lightly bowing his head. "What brings you here?" She seemed to have her emotions in check pretty much but he did not miss the little hint of insecurity in her eyes. She had her purse over her right shoulder and her arms crossed in front of her. "I needed to talk to you." He nodded and led her to the couch where both of them sat down. She was twisting her hands in her lap now.

"Our weekend at the house." He nodded to let her know that he was listening to her. "I do not know...it just. It brought back a lot of emotions, memories and maybe your right when you say that it brough back fears. It is still hard for me to believe how someone could just look the other way when your husband is drinking. I mean I would not look the other way. I was scared of the things that would come up. Pablo scared me a lot back then when he would get angry and scream and yell at everyone. I just did not wanted to be confronted with that again." He nodded and moved one hand out to cover her folded ones. Her eyes where filled with pain and sorrow and that showed that she was still dealing with it. She had definatily pushed away the feelings even if she did not want to admit that at first. She was doing it now.

"Sweetheart you are facing your emotions now and that is important. You will get through this. We will get through this together as a family. Alright?" she nodded and looked at him. In his eyes she could see the love for her and the worry. He lightly smiled at her and tried to show her with his face that everything would be alright. "Are you going to be alright until tonight, honey?" she looked at him and after a short moment nodded her head yes. He nodded in return noticing the short moment of hesitation. They both got up and he brought her to the elevator and lightly kissed her good-bye. On his way back to the office he ran into Eric. "H" he turned around to see Eric. "Was that Marisol?" "Yeah." Eric nodded. "Everything alright?" Horatio had to smile at that. "Yeah. Everything is fine. She just came to ask me something in person." Eric nodded and smiled accepting the answer.

In the evening Horatio wanted to talk to his wife about the short moment of hesitation. It worried him that she was hesitating when he asked her if she would be alright in the aftrenoon. He thought that they were past those times. He found her and their daughters in the living-room. She was holding Clara-Maria on her lap and Isabella and Dolores were sitting next to her on each side. It was already late and when he walked around them he saw his daughters sleeping, all three of them. "Hey!" he smiled. "Let get these to bed." She nodded and watched as he carried Dolores and then Isabella to bed and then came back to get Clara-Maria. After that he joined her on the couch and she snuggled into him. She streched her legs out next to her and enjoyed the moment of peace and quietness. "Honey why did you hesitate earlier?" she tensed and he tightened his arms around her to keep her from running. "You know that you could have told me that you would not be alright in the afternoon." "I know." She leaned back against his chest trying to keep her emotions down because she did not want to go down memory lane tonight. He felt her shudder and then tense up again. He ran his hands up and down her upper arms trying to get her to relax. "What happened?" she sighed. He hated to make her talk but he knew that she was hurting, or she would not shudder and tense and the memories. "I wanted to look at the photoalbums my great-grandparents gave me to my second communion. I just needed to do that alone...I was not so sure of it at the beginnig but then I just knew that I had to do this by myself." He kissed her head.

"How are you feeling now?" he knew that it was not the time to tell her that it was a bad idea in his opinion to look at the albums of buried memories alone. She knew that her husband was giving her an easy out and she very much apreciated it. "It was a walk down memory lane. A lot of harbored feelings and forgotten memories came back." She snuggled deeper into him which did not go unnoticed by Horatio. "You know I locked those albums back up where they have been for the past 16 years." He nodded against her head. "That is alright Marisol. They are not going to dissapear. You get them out when you feel like looking at them." She nodded against him and he hoped that she would be able to stop having to lock this albums up.

She was allowed to have those memories and they were not bad but that was a different chapter. For now he was just happy to hold her and to listen to her, if she wanted to talk. He was looking outside and was watching their garden, as far as he could see it now as it was almost dark outside. "You know it is somehow crazy" she shook her head trying to clear it a little bit. "I mean I buried and ignoried these memories and emotions for so long, that I hardly remembered the things that happened with them. I tried to shield myself from these memories. I lost a lot of the memories, or at least that is what I thought." "What do you mean Marisol?" she turned a little so that she could look at him. "While I was looking at the pictures I suddenly had remembered a lot of things I somehow have pushed away. How could I forget all these things Horatio? Things from the time when I was a little girl or in my early teens?" "Marisol when a lot of emotions are coming together it can happen that we push away things to protect ourselves. It is not something bad. It is some kind of self preservation. It can even be a good thing sometimes, if it allowes someone to get through something better." She nodded and hid her face in his chest unable to control these emotions any longer.

He knew as soon as he felt the first shudder under his hands on her back that she was cracking. Seconds later her shoulders shook and she was violently sobbing. He just held her and let her cry in his arms hoping for the storm to pass soon. Horatio knew that she needed to let the emotions out even if he hated it with a passion. His wifes tears never sat right with him but it needed to happen. When she turned a little and pulled her knees up to her chest he knew that it was over. He carefully lifted her into his arms. She immediately clung to his neck hiding her face between his face and his shoulder. After entering there bedroom he moved right to the bathroom knowing that she needed a soak. When he sat down on the edge of the bathtub carefully and wanted to reach out to the faucet she stopped him. "No bath" her voice was muffled by his neck and tear covered but he heard her loud and clear. "It´s alright honey" he carefully stood up again and carried her to their bed. She was so weak that she let him change her before he changed himself and joined her. She snuggled into his chest. After a few minutes he could hear her even breathing and knew that sleep had taken over her tired body. He did not mind, she deserved every bit of sleep she could get. But still he noticed that everything had been eating at her. She felt even lighter then she used to. He silently made a note of it knowing pressure is not an option. He watched her sleeping peacefully in his arms against his chest. But he could still see the fatigue in her face.

During the next few days he just let their daily routine runs its course knowing that normalcy could also be a helpful therapy in opening up and he was trying that angle. It seemed to be at least a partial success because he had not seen her this relaxed since before her grandmother´s death. She seemed relaxed and content and that was what he was hoping for. It was fall and it was a beautiful season and the girls like to go collecting leaves. He was watching his daughters playing and collecting leaves in their backyard when she stepped onto the deck with Clara-Maria in her arms. She joined him on their deck couch and he took their little daughter from her who started playing with his shirt immediately. She reached her left hand out and interlaced it with his right hand. He looked at her and smiled at her gently. She returned a relaxed smile. He just enjoyed the time with his family and he did not want to ruin it with emotions and questions. If she wanted to talk that would be alright with him but today he would not push it. Marisol looked content sitting there and watching Isabella and Dolores playing with their leaves and chasing each other in the sun.

He had to admit that he hardly ever imagined having a blended family like this. A beautiful wife, three kids, and a beautiful life. But there were also difficult time, which they have overcome as a family and it has made them even stronger. "You know it is strange. After everything we went through together in the past years. I never assumed...I never imagined that there would be something that would be able to...I don´t know." He gently ran his thumb over the palm of her hand. Her hand was shaking a little. Clara-Maria was now having her afternoon nap on her father´s lap. "What did never think sweetheart?" she looked down and shook her head. Her hair was blocking the view to her face. After a minute she looked up and looked at him. "I never thought that there would be something that would be able to throw me off completely." He nodded and sighed deeply. "What do you mean Marisol?" She reached out her other hand and gently stroked her daughters cheek. "All the things that happened since Clara´s death. I mean everything. It just threw me off completely." He tightened his hold on her hand and gave it a squeeze. "Sweetheart you never know how we are going to react to something that we do not want to happen. There are things that we dread happening. Things that are not in our hands." "I guess I just never expected it to throw me that much off of my daily routine." He leaned over a litte, careful not to disturb his daughter and gently kissed her head.

"You are doing just fine sweetheart. Everyone reacts in a different way and you reacted that way. It is alright. You have to give yourself time to work through everything. I know that it can be painful and that it can bring up a lot of buried feelings but you are going to have to deal with it. No matter what you are not alone Marisol." She looked at him and nodded. "I know." She put her head on his shoulder and was just content to wach the girls. Live has its ways of giving them obstacles. That was what he knew for sure.


	45. December 2008 01

Marisol was slowly getting her footing back after everything, even if she was still feeling completely thrown off. Everything she had pushed away for years was suddenly coming back to the surface with full force and she was not prepared for that. She had not known how to react to that and how to deal with it. It had happened and she had hoped that she would never have to return to those emotions.

Now here they were a few weeks after their weekend and Marisol was still skating close to the edge. She was better but she was definitely not good. Their life was relatively normal again by now aside from the emotions that came up from time to time. She was starting to open up to him about her family but it was slow. She was accepting feelings and emotions, even if they were painful. She had never said more than a few words about them before the weekend so she was starting to work up their lives and their deaths emotionally. It was a slow and painful trip down memory lane. She had to admit that was even somehow relieving to work through everything from the past even if it was painful but she also sometimes felt uncomfortable dragging old things up again.

Horatio would not let her go through this alone even she wanted to. He was in the lab processing things from a crime scene when Eric suddenly walked in. "Horatio can I talk to you for a second?" Horatio looked up at Eric. "Sure, about what, Eric?" "About Marisol, Horatio." Horatio studied him before answering. He noticed that his brother-in-law looked worried.

"What about her Eric?" Eric took a step toward Horatio. "I saw her in town last week. I don´t know but she somehow looked different." He could read the worry on Eric´s face. "What do you mean Eric?" Eric tried to read Horatio but he was unreadable. "Fragile. What is wrong with her Horatio?" Horatio knew that Marisol seemed to be thinner than normal but now that even Eric seemed to notice he knew that he had to do something about it

"She is at a rough patch at the moment. Let me say it this way Eric. Your grandmother´s death in summer?" Eric nodded curious to find out more. "It was not all bad or good. It is a bit of both." Eric looked confused "What do you mean a bit of both?" Horatio smiled at Eric and Eric could read no worry in his eyes. He knew that Horatio would be worried if something is off with Marisol. But still he wanted to know.

"You know Eric there are things that we bury deep inside ourselves to protect us." "I think I know what you are talking about." Horatio nodded in understanding and watched him. "Over the past months she has had some difficult times with things like that. But she is going to be fine Eric." Eric nodded knowing that Horatio would never let her suffer. He left the lab and let Horatio continue to process.

In the evening he knew that he needed to talk to his wife. It was eating at her. After putting the girls to bed he found her sitting under a blanket on the couch. "Hey sweetheart" he said and sat on the armrest of the couch next to her. "Hey" she said and looked up at him. He wrapped an arm around her shoulder and pulled her against his chest. "Eric came to talk to me at the lab." She looked at him slightly worried. He smiled one of his warm smiles trying to ease her worries and continued running soothing motions with his hand on her back.

"He seemed to have seen you in town and told me that you look fragile." She immediately pulled up her knees and went tense in his arms. She wrapped her arms around her knees trying to protect herself. He moved to sit on the couch next to her and tucked the blanket tightly around her. He pulled her into his chest even if she was fighting him.

"Honey I think we both know that he is right." Marisol pulled back to look at him and in her eyes he saw the devastation. "Sweetheart grieving can cause people to change their habits and to stop eating or to at least change their eating habits and routines." She leaned back against him heavily. "Could it have happened that it caused you to change habits, honey?" she shook her head against his chest. "I don´t think so." He nodded against her head assuming that she probably not even noticed that she had changed her habits.

"You do know that you have to do something about it right?" she tensed in his arms and he tried soothing her with his hands. "Sweetheart it has been eating at you and that is not healthy." "I know." She was moving deeper into his embrace and his chest looking for comfort. "Why did we have to open the box with my past Horatio?" he sighed. "Because it was hurting you and you needed to let the grief out that you have been holding in for so long." She nodded against his chest knowing that he was right. But it hurt and it was starting to hurt her body, too. She felt like her world was reduced to the emotional pain from the past. She asked herself why she had buried it for so long. It was not the time to grieve back then. Now with Horatio she knew that she felt comfortable enough to grieve and she had told him about them. But she still could not talk about the feelings she had about them leaving. She could not talk about the grief.

"I know that they are dead and that they were old. I guess it is hard for me to talk about the feelings that came with their deaths. And now after so many years I still cannot articulate them." He kissed her head and held her. "Everyone needs time to grieve Marisol. You are grieving in your own way. You are taking one day at a time. Nothing is wrong with that. But I still think that it would be better letting these feelings out instead of keeping them to inside." She nodded but he knew that she was done talking for the night. He was content to just hold her and to be the security she needed to let those emotions go.

During the night he woke up to find his wife´s side of the bed empty. He got out of bed, put on his robe and went to look for her. When he came down the stairs he saw her on the couch lost in thoughts. Horatio carefully rounded the couch and sat on the table in front of her. "Marisol?" he asked softly. She looked up at him and realizing that he had woken up. It only took a minute for her emotions to drop. After taking one look at him she shattered. Horatio sat down next to her and had her in his arms and against his chest before she could even react.

He just sat there in the middle of the night on the couch holding his grieving wife and hoping for better times.


End file.
